7 Steps To Detaching From A Codependent Relationship And Finding Freedom

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It’s not always easy to notice that you’re falling into a codependent relationship until it’s already too late. We tend to get caught up in wanting to spend time with our partners and building a life together that we forget how to be alone without them.

This is especially difficult for relationships that become toxic, but we stay in them anyway, because we don’t know how to walk away. However, difficult doesn’t mean impossible and when there’s a will, there’s a way. Here are a few ways to detach from codependent relationships.

Accepting That People Can’t Be Fixed

bandaids over flowers on woman's backs

Taisiia Stupak / Unsplash

Taisiia Stupak / Unsplash

It’s hard to not want to help out someone we care about but there’s a fine line between being a good support system and treating someone as a project.

People can’t be fixed by their loved ones. They have to be willing to put in the work themselves. Once you accept that, you’ll realize that the only person you need to fix is yourself and you’ll want to do what’s best for you regardless of how it impact someone else.

Focusing On The Present

man with binoculars on his eyes

Mostafa Meraji/ unsplash

Mostafa Meraji/ unsplash

People in codependent relationships tend to keep creating internal assumptions about what is going on with the other person’s thoughts and feelings. They have a hard time focusing on the present because they’re so worried about what might happen.

Ask yourself: “what makes me happy right now?” Once you take the steps to do it, the future will align and follow.

Determining What Can Change

woman sits on stairs thinking

Anthony tRAN / uNSPLASH

Anthony tRAN / uNSPLASH

​Analyze what you have the power to change and what you don’t. For instance, you have no control over someone else, their choices, and their reaction to yours.

However, you’re in complete control of the next step, of what you want to do, of where you want to live, of what you want to keep, etc.

Identifying Patterns

woman surrounded by poloraids

Ian Dooley / Unsplash

Ian Dooley / Unsplash

Ask yourself the hard questions like if you tend to get close to people who make you feel needed, or if you’re afraid to be alone. Go back in time and identify the moments that led up to your codependency.

You might realize that they go as far back as your childhood. Maybe you weren’t shown enough affection that now you overly give in the hopes of never having someone else experience that. We each have our patterns but identifying them allows us to break them.

Letting Go Of Negative Self Talk

woman looking in the mirror

Cotton Bro / Unsplash

Cotton Bro / Unsplash

Don’t be your own worst enemy. Maybe there are some things you could’ve done differently but trust that you need to make the mistake to learn from it. There is no timeline on how fast you need to get out and there’s no “one way” fix.

It’s hard to let go of a person you’ve become dependant on. Be kind to yourself as you gradually transition out of it.

Come Up With A Plan

woman writing in her journal in bed

Ava Sol / Unsplash

Ava Sol / Unsplash

You might feel more at ease and in control if you know what you’re doing next. This is the ideal time of taking care of the big things so that you’re not left scrambling when you’re overwhelmed with emotion.

Take care of banking statements so that you have your own independent funds, sign up for activities that will keep you busy and distracted from your codependent relationship, find a place to stay if you need one etc.

Find A Support System

woman hugging dog on wooden table

La Miko / Unsplash

La Miko / Unsplash

This might seem ironic as the way to let of one codependent relationship isn’t to attach yourself to someone else instead. But, it’s a good idea to remind yourself that you won’t be alone without your partner.

There are other people out there who can help you through the transition until you find the courage to be okay completely on your own again.

Higher Perspectives Author

Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives