11 Causes Of Parent-Child Estrangement, Why They Want Nothing To Do With You
Every family is going to have its disagreements. None are without fault or argument, without debate or fight. That's simply what happens when you get a bunch of different, unique people under one roof, even if they are all related.
Sometimes, though, those disagreements grow into something much worse, much more sinister, and devastating to the family structure.
Childhood events, namely traumas and emotional struggles, can leave lasting impact on us. As we grow older, we may find that we're less sure of ourselves, less confident than our peers.
You don't have to live like that forever. You can get your confidence back quickly and easily with this free audio program. Don't let trauma keep weighing you down, see what's out there waiting for you!
A Strong Divide
The bond between parents and their children is often considered to be unbreakable, but life can sometimes lead to unexpected events, ones that can cause cracks to form in the family and result in those children distancing themselves from their parents once they grow older.
Parents are often left feeling confused and heartbroken, wondering what they did to cause such a divide. Understanding the common reasons why children break off from their parents can grant valuable insight to those who need it, so here are a few examples.
1. Lack Of Emotional Support
One of the primary reasons adult children may distance themselves is a perceived lack of emotional support and understanding from their parents. As children grow into adults, their emotional needs evolve. If parents dismiss their feelings or fail to offer the new, different support they need, it can leave a sour taste in their mouths, one that festers until a real problem is formed.
To bridge this gap, parents need to actively listen and validate their adult children's feelings. Showing empathy and understanding can go a long way in rebuilding trust. Emotional support is not just about being there physically but also about being present emotionally.
2. Overbearing Or Controlling Behavior
Another common reason for estrangement is overbearing or controlling behavior from parents. Adult children need to feel a sense of independence and autonomy, and when parents continue to try to control their lives, it can quickly lead to feelings of resentment.
Parents should strive to respect their adult children's boundaries and choices. Yes, even ones they disagree with. Offering guidance and support is important, but it should be done in a way that empowers rather than controls. Encouraging open communication, creating a judgment-free space, and respecting their decisions can help maintain a healthy relationship.
3. Unresolved Conflicts And Past Hurts
Unresolved conflicts and past hurts can linger and resurface, especially once the child has spent time away on their own, causing distance between parents and their adult children. These unresolved issues can create a barrier to open communication and trust, even more so if the problem has never been addressed or discussed prior.
Fixing this won't be the easiest, as their pain is likely deeply rooted by now. It may involve having difficult conversations, apologizing for past mistakes, and working together to find common ground. It's important to approach these discussions with a willingness to listen and understand each other's perspectives. No progress can be made otherwise.
4. Lack Of Respect For Boundaries
Respecting boundaries is important in any relationship, and this is especially true for the parent-child dynamic as children become adults. When parents fail to heed their adult children's boundaries, it can lead to feelings of suffocation, disrespect, and a desire to distance themselves.
Parents should make an effort to understand and respect the boundaries and limitations their children set. This includes respecting their privacy, personal space, and decisions. By doing so, parents will be showing their children that not only do they care, but they also see their children for what they are, fully-fledged, independent people.
5. Different Values And Beliefs
As children grow into adults, they may develop values and beliefs that differ from those of their parents. It can be shocking to a parent, as their children may shift their perspective to something different than what they were raised with. Depending on what the differences are, they can create a large divide within the family.
Parents should strive to accept and respect their adult children's values and beliefs, even if they differ from their own. Open and respectful dialogue about these differences can help bridge the gap, but so can remembering that their children won't always be carbon copies of themselves. Things will change.
6. Financial Dependency And Expectations
Financial dependency and expectations can very easily strain relationships between parents and their adult children. When parents expect financial support or impose financial obligations on their adult children, those children will immediately want to distance themselves, especially if they're trying to make it on their own financially as well.
Parents should strive to foster financial independence in their adult children and avoid placing undue financial expectations on them. This is a life-long lesson, but parents can set a great precedent if they start early and instill good habits in their children.
You don't need to keep living in fear, open up your mind and boost your confidence today with this free program!
7. Unhealthy Communication Patterns
Unhealthy communication patterns, such as constant criticism, negativity, or even just a lack of communication, can erode trust and connection between parents and their adult children. These patterns can create a toxic environment that pushes adult children away completely. As they get older, they realize they don't have to nor want to spend time around someone who just leaves them feeling bad, including their parents.
Once made aware, parents need to commit to ridding themselves of these behaviors if they want their children to stay in their lives. It takes a lot of growth to change in such a way, but it's well worth it, as it'll make every relationship better.
8. Parental Favoritism
For those with siblings, parental favoritism is a breeding ground for tension within the family. The child who feels less favored will want nothing to do with the family that treated them so poorly, while the favored child will feel this immense pressure to always be succeeding and never face any issues.
Of course, parents should strive to treat all their children equally and avoid showing favoritism. Children are meant to be loved equally, to be loved because of their differences, that's what's so beautiful about raising a family! Seeing all the different, amazing people you get to bring into the world!
9. Lack Of Support For Life Choices
A lack of support for life choices, such as career decisions, relationships, or other lifestyle choices, can create quite a rift between parents and their children. When parents fail to support their adult children's choices, they feel rejected and judged, no feeling a child should ever feel from their parents.
They could fight all day, but it's better for parents to understand that it's natural for them not to agree with everything their child does in adult life. Parents should accept the things they cannot change and aim to respect what their child chooses to do, even if they don't understand it.
10. Emotional Or Physical Neglect During Childhood
Perhaps, obviously, emotional or physical neglect during childhood can have lasting effects on the parent-child relationship. Adult children who have experienced neglect may carry these wounds into adulthood, leaving them with a lot of pain that all stems from their parents. It's no wonder they'd want to create some distance.
Parents should acknowledge and address any past neglect and work towards healing these wounds. This may involve seeking professional help, such as therapy, to work through these issues and understand why it was wrong, how it hurt their child, and what they can do to rebuild what was broken.
11. Unresolved Grief Or Trauma
Similar to the previous point, but broader, unresolved grief or trauma on either end can greatly impact the parent-child relationship, creating very deep, impactful emotional wounds. When parents or adult children are dealing with the effects of trauma, it can create emotional barriers that stop relationships from developing as they should, especially between family.
Seeking professional help is perhaps even more important here than ever, for both sides this time. Yes, it will help build back that relationship, but it'll also help the people suffering find peace and healing within a life they've already struggled with.
The Family Unit
There are plenty of reasons why a child might grow up and decide to distance themselves from their parents, including many that aren't listed here. Understanding these reasons is the first step towards reconciliation, should both parties want it. By addressing these issues with empathy, respect, and openness, parents can work towards rebuilding the bridges they had once burned, their child waiting for them on the other side.
It's important to recognize that healing takes time, and it certainly won't be easy, but with patience and understanding, it's possible to mend these fractured relationships in a way where they're even stronger than they were before.
