5 Behaviors People Think Are Narcissistic But Really Aren’t
Most people, I think, want to be good. Our own definition of 'good' definitely changes with the individual, as everyone has different standards and experiences that shape what 'good' means to them.
Some people take this wish too far, wanting so bad to be good that they become overly concerned with the fact, wanting to eliminate any and all signs of what they consider to be bad or wrong just so they can assure their virtue. This can lead them to make some big assumptions, now finding completely normal behavior to be signs of something darker.
Thoughts like these often stem from a lack of self-confidence or belief in our inherent value. That level of doubt can cause some serious blockages in your life, preventing you from living to your fullest potential.
You can change that all right now by listening to this free audio. Learn the brain-training technique that unlocks levels of fearlessness you've never seen before. Click here to rise above your phobias today.
A Long-Term Fear
Anyone who has ever been the victim of a narcissist in any capacity knows just how conniving and subtle they can be about the vicious tactics they use. They're incredibly discreet, leading the people they use these methods on to think of themselves as being in the wrong before they ever consider the narcissist at fault.
Because of this, and the fear still felt after escaping a narcissist's grasp, people will begin to worry that completely normal behaviors are actually signs of narcissism within themselves.
Below are five behaviors that people fear are caused by narcissism when they truly aren't.
1. Having Pride In Yourself
You're allowed to be proud of your accomplishments! People who are hyper-aware of narcissistic traits or who have been victims of narcissistic behavior from others can sometimes feel great shame surrounding feelings of pride, worried they're now leaning into those same traits they despise so much.
There's a clear distinction between regular, healthy pride and narcissistic inflated pride. Healthy pride happens when you worked toward a goal and achieved it. You're proud of the work you did and what you were able to accomplish by doing it.
At The Root
Narcissistic pride centers around entitlement. They're not proud of their work, they're proud of their believed inherent worth or of their status that helped them gain whatever it was they were hoping for. A narcissist's pride comes from believing they inherently deserve the best rather than a sense of accomplishment.
The main difference is humility. The average person knows how to be humble about their successes, narcissists do not.
If you worry that you're becoming to prideful for your own comfort, it's worth sitting and examining where that pride is coming from. That way, you can see if the source is toxic or not.
2. Asking For Proof
Narcissistic abuse often involves controlling and manipulative behaviors, in which they twist those around them, their words and actions, to fit a narrative that they're writing. They'll do anything to look like the good guy in the end, no matter who they hurt along the way.
Because of their pervasive tactics, their victims can be left with a confused sense of self. They start to trust themselves less, seeing as the narcissist is always able to paint them as the bad guy.
Turn It Back On Them
To combat this spiral, the best thing you can do is ask for proof.
When a narcissist makes a wild claim, asking for any sort of evidence beyond their own feelings about the matter will stop them in their tracks. It will likely only make them angrier, just as a warning, but if you refuse to believe anything they say that they can't back up with something real, you'll start to see how quickly their claims fall apart.
Asking for accountability from untrustworthy people doesn't make you a bad person, nor does it make you difficult. It makes you pragmatic, now positioned one step ahead of the narcissist in question.
3. Defending Yourself
The biggest lie that narcissists (and abusers of any kind) will tell you is that standing up for yourself puts you in the wrong. Why would you need to defend yourself against them when they've clearly done nothing to hurt you?
Depending on the situation, they may leverage the fact that they've never harmed you physically as a reason to call you crazy or unreasonable for protecting yourself, as if emotional abuse can't be just as devastating and damaging.
Protecting Your Peace
Whatever lie a narcissist tries to tell you about standing up for yourself, it's wrong. You're not being hysterical, you're not being difficult, and you're certainly not crazy. If you feel so victimized and scared that you feel you have to defend yourself in one way or another, that's reason enough.
Narcissists want to keep you entirely under their thumb, and that includes squashing any desire they see in you to rise above their control. They'll treat you poorly so that you seem to overreact in public or seem totally out of line with your emotions, when all that's happened is you being a victim of abuse.
Hang onto that urge to defend yourself as tightly and for as long as you can. You should always want better for yourself.
4. Feeling Real Anger
Now, narcissists are known to have quite an explosive temper. The tiniest thing being wrong or out of place in can send them on an absolute tear, a reaction far bigger than what would be warranted for the situation.
Because of their famous bouts of anger, their victims may start to feel guilty if they, too, ever feel that same anger. By expression an emotion similar to a narcissistic abuser, are they, too, becoming like that person? Are they no better than the person who's hurting them?
Rage Born From Pain
That's not the case at all. It's extremely normal for a victim of trauma to feel extreme emotions as a response to all they're dealing with, especially anger. The difference between the two angers is that the narcissist is angry that something didn't go their way, while the victim is angry that they're being harmed or violated.
The instinct to avoid anger also only harms victims further, causing them to bottle up their feelings rather than processing them. This isn't the victim's fault as they're just operating in a way that best keeps them safe from the person doing them harm, but it's just further proof how deep this runs.
Feeling anger when you are hurt is good, natural, normal, and expected. Anyone who makes you think otherwise wants something.
5. Taking Selfies
This one is a little lighter, but it's true! People believe that taking selfies is inherently narcissistic behavior because, to them, it feels vain. Really, though, it's just a modern celebration of the self.
Having enough confidence to take a few selfies if you think you look good or just want to capture a moment you're in isn't bad. Again, anyone trying to make you feel guilty for this usually has an agenda of their one, one tied to shame and guilt.
Snap A Pic
Sure, there's something to be said for excessive selfie-taking, which actually has proven to be an indicator of "grandiose narcissistic traits," but to reach that level you would have to be taking an extreme amount of selfies. It's very likely you're nowhere near that level, so don't stress over something as fun and lighthearted as snapping a pic of yourself when you feel nice.
If you lack any other overtly narcissistic behaviors or traits, self-taking isn't going to be the one to do you in. Keep having fun and documenting life as it happens.
Keeping Good In Your Heart
Narcissism is a complex, multi-faceted issue that continues to get a lot of buzz in our society. More and more people are realizing that they might have been victims of narcissistic abuse, and as such, are uncovering more about what they went through and why the person who mistreated them did so.
But just because it's becoming more well-known, that doesn't mean it's suddenly invading every facet of our lives, requiring us to pathologize everything we do to see if it's 'too narcissistic' or not.
Being so concerned over your place on the narcissism spectrum will only stress you out. Instead, focus on doing as little harm as humanly possible, as that's what will distinguish anybody from a real narcissist.
By constantly fretting about whether or not you're a bad person, you're letting limiting beliefs control your life and keep you held down. No one deserves to live like that, but you can change it today.
By using this free audio, you can learn how to rise above the thoughts that keep you trapped. It only takes 20 minutes to rise above your worries and transform your life forever!
