Relationships

The Five Apology Languages: When "I'm Sorry" Doesn't Cut It

Maybe you've heard of the love languages, the way we most need to receive love, but did you know that we each also have our own apology language? The way that you give and receive "I'm sorry" can make all the difference in whether you truly get past an argument or if you hold resentment until you explode. We each require to hear something different to move on, and sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it.

This language system was researched and developed by the same creator of the love languages Gary Chapman, with help from psychologist Jennifer Thomas. Here's what they found out.

Expressing Regret

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Felopepelaquim / Unsplash

The first apology language may seem like the most simple one, it's just saying the words "I'm sorry" Yet, this is still difficult for some of us to do when we have to swallow our pride. We then allow the guilt to set in by admitting that we're in the wrong.

The authors do suggest giving the apology some more value by also listing out our recognition of the hurtful effects of our actions. That way our words seem sincere and our "sorry" isn't just a sorry that we got caught.

Accepting Responsibility

woman stands with her hands on her hips while looking away from man apologizing

Alex Green / Unsplash

An apology is basically canceled if it's given alongside a bunch of excuses. A sincere apology doesn't justify our hurtful actions. Maybe there actually was a very good reason behind why we behaved the way we did, but in the moment, the circumstances don't matter for this language.

This apology language needs accountability to be taken. Even if you're not exactly sorry for what you did, at least say sorry for the way it made the other person feel.

Genuinely Repent

woman hugs man from behind with her ees closed

Gustavo / Pexels

By the author's definition to repent is "to turn around" or "to change one's mind." Those with this apology language need some kind of validation that it's truly sincere. To do that, they need assurance that it won't happen again.

While it may be impossible to predict the future, you can both make a plan together to ensure success. For example decide before conflict whether one of you should walk away and come back when they've calmed down, or whether you want to write letters to each other when you're angry to let out your thoughts concisely. Whatever the method, it provides some sort of guarantee of effort towards repentance.

Making Restitution

man and woman sit at table with wine talking

Cotton Bro / Unsplash

Think of this apology language this way: when a kid steals another's kid toy, what do we tell them to do? Not only do we encourage the kid to apologize, but also to return the stolen toy. The same goes for wrongful actions or words. Rather than apologize with no action, those with this apology language need to see change.

You can take them out to dinner, or clean up the dishes that night, just to show them that you will physically try to do better.

Requesting Forgiveness

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A. L. / Unsplash

​This one is one of the hardest to give for some of us. To ask someone to free us of guilt can set both of us free, but asking for forgiveness is a huge risk. It requires a lot of vulnerability as this puts us in a position where we have to give up all of our power and give it to the person we're apologizing to.

They might reject it, and they might even end the relationship. But, when this is their apology language saying the magic words "will you forgive me?" might be the secret to healing and moving forward.

Astrology

Harvest Full Moon in Pisces: Get Ready For The Emotional Pull On September 20

This month's lunar climax will surely been an emotional one. The September 2021 full moon (also known as the Harvest Moon) is rising in Pisces.

Full moons in general are heavy on feelings, but as a water sign, this energy shift is both poetic and sensitive. It's likely to feel more emotional than usual. As we say goodbye to the warm season, we are forced to spend some time with ourselves. Whether that means facing our darkness or focusing on future projects, here are the changes that the Harvest Moon brings ahead.

It's Okay Not To Be Okay

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Fernando / Unsplash

Pisces is one of the more emotional signs of the zodiac. This means that it is very in tune with the negative energy around it, especially after the year we've had. Up to this point, we may have been bottling it all up, especially in an effort to be productive with Virgo's energy.

The Pisces's energy may release an urge to get it all out of our systems. Wether that means a good cry, or connecting with loved ones, it's okay not to be okay.

The Rose Colored Glasses Effect

woman wearing heart shaped pink glasses and holding pink lollipop

Zoltan Tasi / Unsplash

​On the bright side, Pisces also brings out our passion. It's likely that once you release, you'll find comfort in daydreams. You may feel more motivated as your intuition kicks in over your logic. Let your imagination take over but be careful not to fully put on Pisces rose-colored glasses.

This is a great time to set intentions and visualize the kind of lifestyle you previously might have convinced yourself was too out of reach.

Full Moon, New You

silhouette of a cat by orange moon

Pixabay / Pexels

While the New Moon in Virgo pushed you to organize and set rational boundaries, Pisces will balance that out by pulling you towards a more creative perspective. Allow yourself to think outside of the box. If you don't know how, think of a creative form of expression.

As you write, draw, dance bake or engage in any other creative outlet, you'll find yourself channeling ​Pisces unique energy and influencing your mood. Let the passion take over This is a great time to try something new or take a risk. Trust your gut.

A Rise Of Psychic Ability

close up f hands holding white globe in orange lighting

Gantas Vaciulenas / Pexels

On September 20, the Pisces full moon will sit closest to Neptune. This not only will pull us towards amplified sensitivity but it might open us up to psychic ability. When caving into daydreaming, we might be able to see the world through a much more colorful and hopeful lens.

Leave logic on the backburner and listen to what the heart has to say. Open it up to getting lost in this outwardly creative energy. Once you let it turn on your inner light, you'll surprise yourself with how much clearer you can see.

The Harvest Moon's Balancing Act

harvest field in the sunlight

Kabompics / Pexels

Traditionally the September Moon's spiritual meaning is all about balance and abundance as the daylight and night hours split almost equally. it's a time of rebirth where the trees begin to shed their leaves. It's a time of closure and climactic conclusion as the warmer season ends to welcome fall and winter.

To channel that in, consider that It's a time to honor and appreciate your home. But, it's a time for reflection and gratitude as well, as you will feel deeply with Pisces energy.

Reflect Back Inwards

two feet stand by puddle water with reflection of person and plane

Marc Olivier Joudin / Unsplash

Collectively, we are beginning to turn inward. We are becoming aware of the natural world around us and as it changes it reflects back on us. We feel these changes so we might as well embrace them. As the natural word takes the time to face on its darker, colder season, take the time to do the same so that by spring, you're ready to bloom with its flowers.

Consider these key themes as part of your intention: gratitude, abundance, harvesting and nature, transitions, balance, and home and hearth

Relationships

The Zodiac Sign That Makes For The Most Civil Kind Of Ex

Zodiac signs can reveal a lot about our loves lives, from our most compatible matches, to our dating habits that could maybe use some work. Our sign might actually be able to predict the kind of ex we would be, from most civil, to petty and dramatic.

They say that it's during a breakups that people reveal their true colors. Yet they also say that breakups feel the same as grief, so we should cut ourselves some slack. Find out what sign is best equipped to deal with this kind of pain.

Cancer Becomes Emotional

woman wiping off tears with cleanex

Andrea Piacquadio / Unsplash

Cancers can't help the tears streaming down their face. They feel deeply and just like they loved their person with everything they have, they mourn their loss with intense grief. They're entitled to their feelings as they make for some of the most loyal and supportive partners there are. They always put in the effort and take care of everyone around them, even before themselves.

The intensity of this pain can be hard to deal with. Cancers might impulsively block their ex so they can try to get over them, or they might send them a long text to reconcile even when they shouldn't. They have a hard time letting go or "giving up" on their person.

Aries Just Brushes It Off

man walking down European street

Lukas Hart / Unsplash

Aries are usually spontaneous and full of confidence. This can make it easier for them to walk away from someone who is dimming their light. These born leaders probably made the first move in the relationship, and are likely to be the ones that walked away.

However, once they're out, they don't bother to look back. They tend to not want anything to do with their ex. They don't see the need or feel a responsibility towards remaining civil. They stop caring when the situation no longer serves them, which isn't easy to do.

Leo Can Be Petty

man looking down at phone and texting by building in the evening

Stefan Stefanik / Unsplash

They're kinda mad that someone could just waste their time, energy and affection just like that. But they don't actually care, or at least they'll try to convince themselves they don't. Their grieving process starts with anger and this phase can last a while.

They might act out in small petty acts in order to cheer themselves up. They don't want to cross the line, but they take the breakup as an insult to their character, because if they could accept their partner with their flaws, they should have deserved the same effort.

Gemini Is On Again, Off Again

woman puts her hand around man's neck and kisses him while both are dressed in robes

Andrea Piacquadio / Unsplash

This adventurous and fearless sign is all about going with the flow. If it's meant to be it will be and if it's not, they might go back to make sure a few more times. Geminis are easy to miss by their ex who longs for their charisma and energy.

This can either lead to the reconciliation of many of their relationships or it can lead to toxic patterns of stormy on again-off again relationships. They're social beings, can we blame them?

Taurus Wins With Loyalty

woman holds up balloon with simley face up to her face

Julia Avamotive / Unsplash

It turns out that the sign that might take the crown for most civil ex is Tauras! Taurus tends to approach all situations with logic. Their stable nature pushes them to take the time to process which allows them to truly evaluate the relationship.

This process gives them closure because once they realize the relationship wasn't best suited for them anyway, they release any feels of resentment. This allows them to remain friends with their exes. Plus they tend to be quite loyal, even if it means having to put their differences aside.

Spirituality

When Do We Stop Being Young? Here Is The Moment Of Realization

How do we tell if we're young? Is it simply the way we feel at heart? Is it the way others look at us? For most of us, it wasn't a gradual process of realization. Instead, it was a defining moment that forced us to take a hard look at ourselves and think "wow, I must be really getting old."

In age, there is wisdom and experience, but there is also a sense of loss. Time is precious, where on its line do you fall?

An Appreciation For The Small Things In Life

older woman looking off to the side in fedora hat

Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

"When I opened a new pack of sponges for dishwashing and became all excited to use a fresh sponge." - tuxedo_cat_commander / Reddit

As we get older we stop expecting the newest toy under the Christmas tree because we understand the value of the work it takes to get that toy. Instead, we value practicality. We can see the bigger picture, so we learn to appreciate the small things along the way.

The Generations Give Birth To New Ones

grandma and her granddaughter look out the window

Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas / Pexels

"It hits you when you're 36. That's the year you could've had a child at age 18 who would become 18 and possibly have a child, making you old enough to be a grandparent." - crewthsr / Reddit

You used to look at your parents and think of them as old creatures who must know everything. Then you had children of your own and learned firsthand that there's no way to always know what you're doing. Then some of us had grandkids and wondered: "where did the time go?"

Not Recognizing the Person In The Mirror

woman hides her face in the mirror

Milada Vigerova / Unsplash

"Looking in the mirror. I'm in my mid-20s, but within the past year I've noticed that my reflection has reasonably changed and I definitely wouldn't be mistaken for a teenager anymore." - MayBeAPossum / Reddit

Although our features age slowly, we don't tend to notice the wrinkles forming until they're already there, or until we look back at a picture and then notice that our skin jaw isn't as tight anymore. There is beauty to every age, but it's not always easy to accept.

The Body Begins To Fail

woman massages her neck as she sits at a table

Keenan Constance / Unsplash

"When I dislocated my jaw lying in bed yawning. Didn't even think it was even possible." - purpleowlie / Reddit

It's not just the outside of our body that changes in its appearance. Our insides also start to deteriorate. It's much easier to throw out our backs or run out of breath going up a flight of stairs. In a way the body is letting us know that it has lived and experienced the speed of life, and it is now ready to pause to appreciate all it has experienced.

Priorities Change

tired woman laying on cushion with her arm hanging off and her hair above her face

Sinitta Leunen / Unsplash

"When I only got 4 hours of sleep before work and felt like I was literally going to die. Ten years ago, I would drive 5 hours after work on Friday to see my SO, we'd party all weekend, then I'd leave at 1 am on Monday, drive all night and go to work Monday. And I was exhausted but fine. "

It seems as though as we get older we give more value to our alone time and our self-care. Suddenly the rare ability to have a night off to simply take a bath and be in bed by 9 pm feels more like a luxury than a fancy night out.

Earning More Respect

Monk with his hands in a prayer motion

Arisa Chattasa/ Unsplash

"Neighborhood kid next door must be 22 or so calls me sir. The first time it happened I was like "sir"? Dude, I'm like….okay a lot older than you." - genericusername0176 / Reddit

The silver lining in getting older is that we have accumulated a lot of wisdom and experience. It is up to us to now pass it on to the younger generations. We cannot slow down time but we can embrace the respect that comes with age.

Astrology

The Fall Equinox: 4 Ways To Celebrate it and Welcome Rebirth

There are two equinoxes and solstices every year. The first equinox is the coming one in September. The September equinox also happens to welcome in the fall season in the Northern Hemisphere. It typically falls between September 21 – 23.

This year, in 2021, the fall equinox will take place on Wednesday, September 22, at 19:21 UTC. In other time zones, the autumnal equinox will begin at 3:21 PM EDT, and 12:21 AM PDT in the Northern Hemisphere. Here is what it signifies and how you can celebrate it.

What Is The Fall Equinox?

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Erico Marcelino / Unsplash

The fall equinox, also known as Mabon, marks the astronomical beginning of the autumn season. In fancy astronomical terms, the vernal equinox happens at the same moment in the Southern Hemisphere as the North and marks the astronomical beginning of the spring equinox. This is the point when that the sun crosses the celestial equator.

What's fascinating about it is that at the exact moment of the equinox, the sun shines directly on the equator. Then it continues its journey south or north, depending on the time of year.

It's A Day Of Balance

silhouette of a person balancing on a rock durinh sunrise

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The word equinox itself is derived from "equal night" in Latin. This is quite fitting as when the sun shines directly on the equator, it splits the length of day and night to be almost equal. It balances out the light with the darkness.

This is why the equinox is celebrated as a day of balance–both for the light and darkness of the day, as well as the light and darkness of the soul.

Time For Rebirth

a couple of stones balancing by the shore

The spiritual meaning of Mabon relies on the balance aspect of the fall equinox. Just like night and day are in balance, so are darkness and light, masculine and feminine energy, and inner and outer aspects of our beings. The universe may exist outside of us but it reflects within us.

As the trees shed their leaves to give birth to new ones, the time until spring is a time of growth. We learn to appreciate what we once had to thrive for more because to find the light within us, we must first deal with the darkness. W

Make A list Of Gratitudes

man writing in a journal while sitting in a backyard

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To allow for a rebirth you need to spend time reflecting. Take the time to journal or meditate and ask yourself "what can I release that no longer serves me?" and "what is causing me imbalance?"

Then balance those thoughts out by also acknowledging the blessings you have that do serve you, and at least five things you already feel grateful for. This will put you in the right mindset to receive the abundance and growth that you are destined for.

Connect With The Fruits Of The Season

fall picnic in a field with champagne, fruit and a blanket

Paige Cody / Unsplash

The fall season comes with its own variety of aromas, flavors, colors, and feel. Immerse yourself in nature by connecting with the fruit it gifts us during this time. You can gather your loved ones for a harvest meal. Or, you can connect with the herbs of the season by spreading them around your house and smelling their aromas.

Smells actually have the power to solidify memories so that you can remember your rebirth and refer back to it every time you feel like you're losing yourself.

Restore Balance In Your Home

feet with socks on standing on staircase with a pumpkin, coffee, a book, a blanket and spread out fall leaves

Alex Geerts / Unsplash

They don't call it a fall cleaning for no reason. Rebirth doesn't just have to be on the inside. The way you change your environment will reflect inwards and outwards on you. Cleaning, organizing, and tidying up will restore balance in your home and safe space to match the balance the universe is trying to create.

This is why it's also a great time to redocorate and get rid of any items that no longer serve you in order to make the space for abundance. You can readjust your space and routine to match the changing seasons and light hours.

Host Or Attend A Bonfire

A bonfire is a great way to celebrate the autumnal equinox. Not only can you create your own spiritual traditions through music, dance, and the beat of drums but you can use the fire as a metaphor for the rebirth to come too.

Bring an object, a list of what no longer serves you, or pictures of what you want to put behind and let it burn in the fire. Watching it dissolve will give you a visualization of the release that you're putting out into the universe.

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