A Psychological Trick To Instantly Become More Desirable
As Esther Perel once said in The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship Ted talk“If there’s a verb that comes with desire, it is to want.” So the question is what makes a person want something? We don’t just wake up waning a certain kind of person. Much of what and who we’re attracted to is built-in years of conditioning and tailored preferences.
But what if understanding that meant that we could also use it to our advantage? Understanding what makes a person want something is how you become more desirable to them. Let us explain how.
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Attraction Is Just Like Drugs
The reason why some people become addicted to certain substances is that they release dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is experienced as a rush of euphoria or pure intense peasure. It leads to momentariy arousal and motivation.
Except dopamine effects are short lived leaving the brain wanting more, so it keeps chasing it. They call this the dopamine-seeking reward loop and it’s a lot like being attracted to someone. When you experience attraction, you brain releases dopamine making that person feel like a drug to you. You feel great around them but you chase them trying to replicate the euphoria all the time such as by constantly trying to get their attenion.
There’s A Secret To Replicating Pleasure
Knowing that first part is critical to understand how to use it to make yourself seem instantly more desirable. When it comes to inducing dopamine into someone, you need a combination of two requirements.
First, you need them to experience a pleasurable experience when first around you so that they think about it and anticipate it, or in other words, crave the dopamine that they associated with you. Second, you need to make them wonder whether they’ll ever be able to see you again and live that experience once more. The uncertainty that their brain attaches to seeing you will create a bigger dopamine release.
It Keeps Them Coming Back For More
Ever wonder how casinos get people who have already declared bankruptcy coming back for more. What is love if it’s not just a big game?
While we do not encourage the forming of an addiction, it’s hard to deny the similarities between feelings of love and attraction and the chemicals released by cravings and uncertainties.
The Trick Is Entirely Psychological
What it comes down to is that for whatever reason, people are wired to want what they can’t have, or what they think they will never be able to have again. As soon as the brain realizes that there’s a risk of missing out on some kind of special resource, it gets desperetae for it.
Because we’re scared to miss out, we find the people and things that are about to flee to be much more attractive and valuable. That’s why as soon as two people break up, they want each other more than ever,
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Desire Is Created
Think of how anxious you get when you’ve gone out with someone you like and are desperately waiting to hear again from them to confirm that they like you enough to want to see you again. The longer they take to reach out to you, the more the anticipation builds and you want to hear from them even more desperately. Some people at this stage will start overnalayzing every detail of their interactions to reassure themselves.
Then when you finally hear from them, the dopamine is instantly released and you feel excited and relieved. But as soon as you respond, the dopmine fades and you start craving it again while you wait for the next response. This is why it is crucial to keep relationships exciting at all stages. As soon as all unfamiliarity and uncertainty fade, so does the appeal. .
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Remember That Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should
At the end of day remember that there is a limit to everything. The message should be to create excitement, change and adventure in your relationships as to appear more desirable, not to play games. This can be done by trying new experiences together or surprising them with a new outfit, or cooking dinner when they don’t expect it, not by withdrawing affection and manipulation.
Understand that creating scarcity isn’t easy. It’s hard work just like all aspects of a relationship. It’s just a matter of knowing how to create instances of dopamine release througha reward loop.
Know When Love Crosses The Line
In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it’s much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.
For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.
Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives