Confessions Of An Introvert In The Modern Dating World

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When we think of introverts we often think of these shadows hiding in the corner never speaking, and that’s if they make it out of the house. But that’s not at all accurate. Bing an introvert just means you channel energy differently. Instead of feeding on the energy of the others and the outside world, an introvert looks within. This is why they prefer their home space where their energy is sacred and away from being overstimulated by others. They’re quite introspective, deep, and reflective making them ideal partners.

The only problem is putting themselves out there to meet the right person. Here are the biggest struggles in dating from an introvert’s perspective.

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I Like To Stay Home Because The Outside World Is Over Stimulating

woman sits on couch at home with her dog by candle

Roberto Nickson / Unsplash

Roberto Nickson / Unsplash

Stop telling me to put myself out there and go on a date. It’s not that I don’t want to, but the second I step outside of the house I can’t wait to go back home. I love my own personal space. I’ve taken the time to make my home feel like my safe space. My limit for stimulation is not that high so for me to go meet someone I don’t even know yet drains my social battery and makes me uncomfortable.

I suddenly feel hyper-aware of my own thoughts and they take over and they start hindering my speech. I freeze. Then I shut down. This has happened before and I always worry about it happening again.

I Don’t Know How To Handle Attention

spotlight on brown eye in darkness

Brands & People / Unsplash

Brands & People / Unsplash

It’s not that I don’t appreciate your compliments or that I don’t enjoy your affection, I just feel like I’m being put on the spot when you give me attention. I panic, not because it makes me uncomfortable or because I think you’re unworthy of having it be reciprocated, or that I don’t deserve to have it. Rather, I struggle to express that attention back. When all attention is on me, I feel overly stimulated.

I prefer to hide in the background and have just enough space to be myself at my own comfort level. It takes me time to build trust around your attention as it makes me feel vulnerable and naked. Just be patient with me, and allow me to receive it in doses.

I’m Slow To Open Up

man and woman talk at coffee shop

Christin Hume / Unsplash

Christin Hume / Unsplash

I can’t keep up with the fast pace of the modern dating world. I feel like I’m in a constant race with all the other prospects you’re likely talking to. Except they probably have an easier time letting you in so I lose you before I’ve even had a chance to know you. Don’t give up on me when I’m not able to open up right away. I’m like an onion, peeling my layers might be irritating but I have a lot more to me than my introverted nature. I can actually be adventurous and deep with the right person. I’m actually quite emotional too even if I don’t show it.

I know I need to work on showing you that I like you, and not expect you to read my mind and wait around on me, but I’m tired of feeling like I have to compete in a world full of extroverts. After all, isn’t a little mystery exciting while I navigate this loud world and stay true to myself?

I Skip Right Over The Small Talk

woman looks at man as they stand by the water

Ryan Jacobson / Unsplash

Ryan Jacobson / Unsplash

It already takes a lot out of me to make my way through the door to go on a date with you so by the time I use up all my energy to muster the courage to make myself vulnerable to you, the last thing I’m interested in is talking about the weather. I get that it’s intimating to jump straight into a deep conversation but why are we wasting time? I want to know if we have the right kind of connection so that I can decide if the energy it takes me to do this is worth it.

Not only will it save us both time but it will the whole experience more enjoyable and stimulating. Unfortunately, if you start engaging in small talk, I’m likely to go back into my bubble and not be as engaged.

When I Fall For Someone, I Fall Hard

man and woman intertwined cuddling on bed

Becca Tapert / Unsplash

Becca Tapert / Unsplash

It takes me so long to trust someone and I prefer to take things slow in the beginning. But when I finally find someone I really like, I fall hard and fast. It takes a lot for me to trust that a person can enter my world without overwhelming it. When I find someone who is able to accept me as I am and balance me out, I give myself permission to let them in. Because these connections start slow they’re deep and fulfilling, the love is real and strong.

I am also very loyal but it doesn’t always come from a good place. I’m afraid of letting go and I don’t like change so sometimes I give more chances than a person deserves. I hold onto them for dear life because the thought of starting over after investing so much energy into someone else gets harder every time.

I Don’t Do Well In Confrontations

Man pointing accusatorially with his fingers

Aldi Goldstein / Unsplash

Aldi Goldstein / Unsplash

If I could go the rest of my life without getting into argument, I would, even if it’s at the expense of my own needs. I lose myself in confrontation. I’m not one to yell or stand up for myself when faced with a stronger personality. I’d rather let it go and move on. I know that some issues need to be faced head-on, and I’m working on my ability to express my own needs.

Just be mindful that when faced with confrontation, my body shuts down on me. My mind stops working properly. I need space and time to navigate my thoughts and come back to the conversation before it can move forward.

I’m Just As Lovable

woman wears hood over her curly blonde hair

Ivana Cajina / Unsplash

Ivana Cajina / Unsplash

Being an introvert doesn’t mean I’m harder to love, or any less deserving of love. Trust me I’m just as lovable. I have quirks about me that make me who I am but they grow on you. I may not be the center of attention or the loudest person in the room but you can trust that when we’re in a room together I’ll make you feel seen and loved. I’ll treasure our time together and stimulate you emotionally and intellectually.

I’ll listen to you carefully and I’ll stay calm during arguments, even when you’re losing your cool. With me, you’ll have a strong emotional connection that accepts you for who you are and loves you till the end of time, as long as you can do the same for me.

Love Is Adaptable

woman hides her face inside red sweater

JJ Jordan / Unsplash

JJ Jordan / Unsplash

In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?

Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it’s much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.

For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

Higher Perspectives Author

Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives