Do The Five Love Languages Matter? Here Are The Least Compatible

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By now you’ve probably heard or even taken a test to find out which of the five love languages best describes how you need to receive love. The languages range between physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of services. Each language represents a need.

We tend to give love the same way we want to receive it, except that doesn’t work. We each need to feel loved in a way that’s different from how we want to receive it. If we don’t, we risk incompatability.

Quality Time VS Acts Of Service

couple holding hands at dinin groom

Rene Ranish / Unsplash

Rene Ranish / Unsplash

The reason why these languages can often get into conflict is that they both use up time. Acts of service have good intentions.

However, when a partner assumes that cleaning up the whole house and making dinner for their spouse when they get home is loving, it can be really frustrating for their spouse who would be much happier just spending time with them. Instead by the time, they’re done all their acts of service there is no time left to spend quality time together.

Words Of Affirmation VS Physical Touch

Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

These languages often butt heads because of their opposing needs. Physical touch requires a lot of affection, tender touches, sweet kisses, and intimacy. This can get suffocating for someone who needs their space and prefers to use their words.

This gets worse when someone tries to express how much they love their partner but no matter how many times they hear it, their partner simply doesn’t feel it if it’s not physically shown.

Receiving Gifts VS Words Of Affirmation

hand holding rose

Diego Ph / Unsplash

Diego Ph / Unsplash

These languages get the most frustrated with each other during arguments. When all words of affirmation requires to solve an argument is a proper and sincere apology, the partner who feels love through gifts may resort to material apologies instead.

This can cause their partner to feel like the apology is insecure and that their forgiveness and their love is simply being “bought.” Both parties end up feeling unappreciated and misunderstood.

It Doesn’t Have To Be A Barrier

Hannah Wright / Unsplash

Hannah Wright / Unsplash

Take it from the everyday person, love may come naturally but making a relationship work is a lot of effort. We can’t say that because two love languages aren’t compatible that they can’t be worked through.

“This is the same as asking: ‘Are there any combination of spoken languages which are incompatible?’ All are incompatible if you don’t learn the other language. None are barriers if you take the time to learn to speak another language.” – deepthoughtsby / Reddit

Compatibility Vs chemistry

woman holding lit heart

Bart Larue / Unsplash

Bart Larue / Unsplash

​Keep in mind that compatibility and chemistry are not the same things. Compatibility is all about personal desires and preferences, it can be learned and improved on.

Chemistry on the other hand has to do with our physiology and can really affect our feelings and the way that we respond to people and situations. Although it can be sparked, it usually is either there or it isn’t naturally.

Do The Love Languages Matter?

hands spelling out love

Tyler Nix / Unsplash

Tyler Nix / Unsplash

The bottom line is that compatibility isn’t as much of an issue as not receiving love in the way that each individual needs. If someone who relies on physical touch doesn’t receive affection from their partner, they’ll feel unloved. However, even if they shower their partner who relies on words with an affirmation with kisses, that partner will feel suffocated because all they needed was simply to hear that they are loved.

So do the love languages matter? We say that there’s no need to slap a label on everything. There are some of us with combinations of these languages anyway. What matters is understanding each other’s needs at that moment.

Higher Perspectives Author

Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives