Do These Non-Physical Acts Count As Cheating? Some People Think So
Being cheated on is perhaps one of the worst types of betrayal you can ever experience. Someone you love going behind your back, doing something you didn't approve of, often with another person, is absolutely heart-wrenching.
Cheating is often specified into a few very specific acts, but it's actually a much broader category than you might think, including a lot of elements that people might not have thought of as cheating at first glance.
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Our Narrow Lense
When presented with the idea of cheating, say if we're told that someone we know got cheated on by their partner, we immediately assume that the person cheating slept with someone else. At the very least, there was some sort of physical relationship being had outside of their relationship, but is cheating limited solely to physical acts?
An online thread asked users what non-physical acts they believe to be cheating as well, revealing some fascinating insight into what else cheating can look like.
Not Turning Down Clearly Romantic Advances
"When you keep giving hope to someone who is clearly in love with you," wrote one response. "If a guy/girl drops everything for you, does more than all your other friends and your partner does for you, will spend mountains on money on you, cook and clean for you, and pretty much advertises themselves as a great partner, that isn't 'just friendship’ and everyone involved knows it."
Similarly, someone else wrote, "Being flirtatious with others or not rejecting someone who is being flirtatious. Talking and meeting up with other people in secret. If you don't want to tell me, it’s because you know you’re doing something you shouldn’t."
Having A 'Work Spouse'
When someone brought up the concept of work spouses, someone else replied, "So icky! The closest I've ever felt to a coworker is like they’re a sibling. They’re always a little annoying but you have each other’s backs. Seems way more fitting than calling them a spouse."
Another person added on, saying, "Honestly the whole idea of having a work wife or work husband is sketchy. If you're single, no problem. In a committed relationship, it's questionable. If there's a scale of relationships that has acquaintances at the left end and spouse at the right end, there's a line that splits cheating from not cheating. Coworkers and friends are on the left of the line. Work wives and work husbands are close to the line, on one side or the other."
The Types Of People They Follow Online
"Following many girls who make explicit content on IG, X or Onlyfans, I know we all have fantasies and the right to satisfy ourselves but show some respect towards your partner. If you still need to [consume] that type of content while having a girlfriend, better not waste her time."
Some people went even further, saying any consumption of any sexual material at all was considered cheating in their eyes, but that stance drew more debate than following social media models.
Growing Attraction To Other People
"What I call 'emotional affairs' which is a friend (almost always a coworker) with whom you have a relationship in which you confide your feelings and frustrations to and not your SO. 'Well maybe my issues are with my SO' you retort? All the worse for it! If you can't share these things with your SO or a therapist I suggest that you are in a relationship you maybe shouldn't be in," wrote one impassioned user.
"Ask yourself if this isn't about attraction and it's not cheating why are you going to lunch together so often, why do you give each other gifts (candy, snacks, anything that 'made me think of you'), and most importantly WHY DO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO KEEP ANY OF IT FROM YOUR SO!? BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU'RE CHEATING!"
Sharing Secrets With Other People
Similar to the last point, but with more of an emphasis on the emotional aspect of it, one person replied, "Outsourcing your emotional support and connection to someone else. It's not like there are concrete rules for what is exclusively reserved for a significant other and what isn’t, or what is appropriate to share with friends and what isn’t, but it definitely feels wrong, and usually indicates a relationship is on its last leg [...]."
"[...] Suddenly the partner doesn’t know what your deepest insecurities are, or what’s troubling you right now, or how you feel about things, life, work, the relationship, each other, or what you hope for the future, or what you want to vent about that day, or really anything, but that other random person does know. I think it shows that a person’s communication, support, and companionship needs are not met, and it’s pretty much what people call emotional cheating."
Spending Money In Ways That Weren't Agreed Upon
Multiple people brought up the concept of financial cheating, using joint money in ways you both don't agree upon or even know about. First was this short and sweet response, "Financial cheating: loaning our joint money to anyone without a discussion first."
Someone else elaborated on the idea, describing financial infidelity as "blowing money and not thinking about the future. Not that you should have to ask for everything- but when you are with someone it's better to be on the same financial page."
Putting Others First
"Prioritizing someone else," one user began. "Once you start choosing to put your energy into a different person, as in canceling plans on your partner, repeatedly refusing to spend time with your partner for this other person, or just making your partner feel second to someone outside your relationship you're cheating IMO."
Of course, this doesn't ban every instance of hanging out with someone else. "It's one thing to have friends, to stick to plans, to even occasionally be like 'soandso needs my help' or whatever. It's another to actively prioritize someone else."
Really, Anything Can Be Cheating
Some people argue that anything can fall under the realm of cheating if the person being cheated on feels that way. As someone explained, "Anything is cheating if it violates your previously discussed boundaries."
"If the other person thinks those boundaries are silly. You either navigate a compromise that both people agree too. Or you break up and wish them well finding someone who can hold and respect those boundaries. But if someone tells you their boundaries and you violate them. Viola. Cheating."
A Large Umbrella
That last point, that anything could be cheating, really caused some debate, with some people finding it silly and others finally understanding why a previous partner's betrayal hurt so badly.
"Cheating is so hurtful because it is losing the trust in your [significant other," a final user wrote. "So everything that is chipping away trust, you could consider cheating. To which degree you have to find out for yourself. Could range from talking to your ex without being informed to eating an entire cake so your [significant other] only finds the shameful remains of said cake."
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