Why We Keep Attracting The Wrong People

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I think for just about all of us, at some point in our lives we end up attracting the wrong person for us. I’ll be honest with you, if you found yourself recently dating someone who just wasn’t for you, it could simply be a fluke.

When in the early stages of seeing someone, we tend to hide our true selves. As we become more comfortable, we let them out.

But what does it mean when one partner after another partner is just the wrong person for us? Why are we attracting the wrong people?

Because we often use the wrong version of ourselves to do the attracting.

A woman standing among flowers, eyes closed, head tilted upwards.
Unsplash / Brooke Cagle
Unsplash / Brooke Cagle

At any given moment, there are a few different versions of myself trying to bubble to the surface. There’s the perfect superman me. He’s smart, funny, has a good job, feels no pain, and is so perfect.

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There’s the damaged, depressed version of me. He’s been hurt so many times by so many people and just can’t get over it. But the version of me who usually bubbles to the surface is a mix of the two.

Hurt before, still pretty cool, a little sad sometimes, but mostly awesome. He’s my higher self.

Here’s the thing: letting the damaged version of you bubble to the surface is an easy thing to do when you yourself have been hurt, particularly in a romantic setting.

The damaged you wants to impose your mean exes onto the new person you’re seeing. The damaged you also doesn’t want to be alone. But consider the other side.

The awesome version of you doesn’t want to be with someone who isn’t right for us, and the awesome version of you pulls no punches, doesn’t care if you’re alone or not, and is an independent person.

Too much of one and you’ll end up with the first person who comes along. Too much of the other and you’ll find yourself cripplingly alone, and you might come off as kind of a jerk. So what do we do?

We find our higher self.

The version of ourselves that knows the truth and sees the world through a clear lens. The version of ourselves that feels the pain of the past but also knows that you’re special, you’re beautiful, and you’re important.

When you identify your higher self, you’re much less likely to play out past damage with other people. Your higher self just wants to start new.

Your higher self wants to take a deep breath and embark on a new adventure.

My advice? Feel your pain. Feel the trouble you’ve had in your life. But find your happiness too. See the world clearly. Identify your higher self.

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