Relationships

5 Ways To Say Goodbye To Someone You Never Thought You'd Let Go Of

Breakups are like war. No one really wants to be fighting and if both sides aren't careful, innocents can get hurt. Whether your relationship was abusive, emotionally unavailable, a bore or just a sucky person, it's never easy to split ways. The maelstrom of emotions that can get unleashed makes it all the more difficult as we pull ourselves together.

First things first is clue a friend of yours into what's going on. Only you know how to fix yourself but they can provide valuable insights to keep you on your path. Give Yourself A Hug! Those nasty emotions are headed your way and will be bedding with you for a moment so thank yourself now, while you still want to. You ended an ugly situation because you had to look out for your interests.

Take All The Time You Need

You are going to 'bounce back' on your terms and not a moment sooner. Don't let anybody dictate your time schedule for getting up and running to you. It's a process and it probably won't happen overnight. An important element many of us forget is that you are going to be a radically different person after all this. You learned a lot about yourself recently and that alone can take more than a moment to adjust to.

Now, how you choose to spend your time will dictate how long you'll feel cruddy and how well you will heal and grow. Here is where you can choose to learn a lesson, accept the pain and mature. Choose to learn from and embrace the ugliness of this situation, or run blindly away, not paying attention to your needs and goals. You will lose touch with your true self, in light of the person you are 'supposed to be'.

Meet Someone New

OK, don't try to hard to find a 'rebound' but when you find one, examine how you feel. The faster you can get back on the horse, the better you are likely to feel. It breaks down like this: after a relationship you are left with more time by yourself. This a good thing as you can use the time to recover, understand what happened and cope.

It can be easy to get lost in abstract thoughts and introspection. A rebound can help you gain faster perspective on the new you. The person you 'bounce back' with needs to be able to lay it on thick and take a step back depending on the situation. Staying social helps you keep tabs on what's going on with your evolution as you compare your current reactions to what you would have done in your old relationship. They don't have to be the 'one', just a thorough reflection.

Don't Lose Track Of Why You Split Ways

Once the blows have been dealt and the dust settles, we can find ourselves in a highly emotional state. It helps to write down the reasons we ended the relationship on a piece of paper and post it somewhere you'll see it often. Go over it with a friend that is aware of your situation and add more details if you like. It's important someone knows where you stand in all this and what your goals are. Call them if you start to give in.

With some of the hardships you can foresee, it can be tempting to inject them back into your life. Realize that this is the laziest thing you can do for yourself. Don't turn back to your ex because you're lonely and someone awesome hasn't fallen out of the sky. It's not only counterproductive, but disrespectful as hell. You went through all of that just to turn coat as soon as the weather changed? Stand by your decisions.

Untangle Your Lives From Each Other As Fast As You Can

So you just broke up and you don't really want to see their face right now, but you still have a bunch of your stuff at their place. Come to think of it they have stuff at yours as well. Don't play hostage negotiation. As respectfully and level-headed as you can, set up a time and place to exchange goods. If your situation isn't as even as that, you have their stuff and they have none of yours, or vice versa; the following guidelines well help you make the exchange as painless as possible.

Set up the meeting in a public area and bring a friend with you. This ensures there will be less drama, and your friend will provide support and keep you on task. Also they can be a witness if anything gets crazy. The sooner you get your stuff the more you can close the door on that relationship.

If you were to wait a month to get your stuff back, it can be harder to schedule because it isn't a priority. Also, you spent that month getting over the relationship, and now, while you're still healing, you have to open up old wounds.

Be Mindful Of How Much Harder You're Making Things For Yourself Find The Love Of Your Life

Sometimes when we are really emotional, we snap out at those trying to help or act without thinking. This sort of mindless reaction is what you want to avoid after a breakup. I know it's painful but embrace your feelings, they are indicative of how much you loved them and how much you expected to get out of it.

Don't beat yourself up either. You did what you did because there was no other healthy option. Don't get mad that you stayed in the relationship as long as you did either, no one worthwhile is judging. There is no reason for you to not forgive yourself for trying to love them when they obviously weren't ready for it. Most of all don't feel dumb or weak for feeling as miserable as you do right now. I look at the grieving time I spend after a relationship ends as a way to honor the time I spent with the other person at that frequency.

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Spirituality

How To Be More Confident In Just 5 Minutes, Try It

We're Not Born With It

We weren't born confident. Confidence is a quality we need to cultivate by thinking outside of the box and refusing to live only to please others. Think back to when you were a child. You didn't need to be confident then, you simply cried when things didn't go your way. But, as you grew up, you start to notice the impact of how others see you and you become self-conscious. We're the ones that give power to others by letting what they think to dictate our confidence when really it's how we feel about ourselves that will radiate confidence.

That's why all it takes to be more confident is five minutes designed to rewire your thought pattern to bring the attention back where it belongs.

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Strike A Power Pose

woman makes vshape with her arms

Elisabeth Wales / Unsplash

Guess what? No one is confident all the time. Not even those who have a full makeup and hair team every single day. The key is knowing how to switch confidence back on when it seems fleeting. You can actually trick your own brain.

Go into a room where you can be alone. It helps if there's a mirror. Then extend your arms up in a "V" shape. Stand as tall and as big as you possibly can. This is called the Victory stance and is a power pose. Keep your feet shoulder-width apart ad your chin up, and stand there in silence for two whole minutes. It might feel awkward for the first 30 seconds, but it'll fix your posture, bring a smile to your face and restore your confidence. Take that power out the door with you by keeping your head held high and your body standing straight.

Maintain Eye Contact

close of woman's blue eyes with makeup

Ismail Hadine / Unsplash

Eye Contact is arguably the most powerful form of communication. When interacting with others, looking them in the eye makes them feel seen and acknowledges every word they say. When you keep your gaze fixated on them, after a while you genuinely stop noticing everything happening around them, and in a way you make them feel like the only person in the world.

You can do the same thing to yourself. Stand by a mirror and stare straight into your own and watch the world melt away. Remind yourself with the intention that at this moment all that matters is you. Everything else is on hold because to face it, you need to first check-in with yourself. You have all the power to make that happen because you love yourself, you have a purpose, and you matter. Remember who you are and ground yourself.

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Lose The "Ums"

woman sits on brown staircase and laughs with eyes closed

Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

A confident person articulates and speaks with intention. Instead of blurting out whatever comes to mind, show assertiveness by taking a second to think before you speak. Not only will this help you lose the ums and uhs but it will make what you say seem more valuable. the same goes for awkward giggles at the end of a sentence.

Laughing when you're done is like saying that everything you just said was a joke and completely discredits you. You can practice this even as you think. Train your thought patterns so they flow.

Relive Your Most Glorious Moment

dancer does split jump in desert environment

David Hofmann / Unsplash

This step is most beneficial at the moment right before you're about to be in the spotlight. Close your eyes. Think of the last time that you were proud of yourself in a situation. Remember how you felt, what you said, and why you did it.

Remember how successful you were and how capable you are of creating such success. Imagine all the details of that last moment of success and take the confidence it brings you into your next glorious moment.

Recreate Your Environment

man walking in forest

Jan Huber / Unplash

Do you know why some people who spend their days in offices aren't happy no matter how much money they make? It's because of their environment, constantly being in front of a screen and between four walls. Some research shows that taking even just two minutes to walk in greenery can completely change your mood. Remember that happiness is confidence so you want to be stimulating your brain and its perception of the world in every way that you can.

Whenever you're running low on confidence go and connect with nature, or experience a new place, or just change your environment to somewhere that makes you feel good and watch how it changes your mood. This then will reflect in how you present yourself to others.

Reframe Your Breath

woman resting hand on her chest with her eyes closed

Darius Bashar / Unsplash

​When you're anxious and experiencing low self-esteem, your breathing physically changes. You start breathing heavily, and faster. The more shallow your breathing becomes, the worst you feel.

Instead, try breathing deeply with intention. Stand up and breathe in for five seconds, completely filling your diaphragm, and then breath out for another five seconds. As you take control of your breath, start visualizing a future where you are in control. Tell yourself "I breath in peace and I breath out anxiety" If you do this for a couple of minutes, you should feel relaxed and in control afterward.

Stop Chasing Someone Else's Ideal

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