Relationships
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Grown Adults Share The Most Toxic Things Their Parents Told Them As Children, And It's Unsettling

Let's face it, parents are not the superheroes we once thought they were. The older we get, the more we realize that parents are just human beings who made a lot of mistakes along the way. The only difference is that some parents went out of their way to try to never repeat those mistakes, while some got stuck in toxic patterns that hurt their children in unsettling ways.

These children have now grown into adults who struggle but are aware of the root of their issues. They have come together on Reddit to share the things that parents told them that broke them, in hopes of saving the next child.

Unfair Compairaisons

man drinking beer and smiling

Christian Buehne / Unsplash

"My drunken father once told me, 'You'll never be the man that I am.' I remember thinking, 'You're damn right I won't be.'"- p38-lightning/ Reddit

The sad truth is that while some thrive to be just like their parents, once wishing they will grow up to follow in their footsteps, some of us actually make it our life goal to be everything they were not. Ultimately, the hope for every parent should be for their children to be better than they ever could be and to have everything that they did not.

Gaslighting

little girl looks lost in thought by the sun

Joseph Gonzalez / Unsplash

"'It's all in your head/you are just imagining it.' As it turned out, I wasn't imagining it and now I struggle to differentiate between what's real and what's not because I was led to believe I was imagining things constantly." - Missing_Maestos/ Reddit

When we think of gaslighting, we often picture romantic relationships but the reality is that this victim-blaming mentality is actually a manipulation tactic that is used in any kind of relationship. Even parents turn the tables on their own children when it's too difficult for them to take accountability and admit their own mistakes. They think that by dismissing it, it'll just go away but what it really does is confuse the child about reality.

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Unfair Blaming

kid sits in between parents who are mad at her

Monstera / Pexels

"You're the reason why your dad and I almost divorced." - 3_angels / Reddit

It's never the child's fault for having been born. It's not like we chose when to come into existence and into which family. It's completely unfair when a parent blames their kid for any of their problems because it's actually their responsibility to figure it out. If they didn't think their relationship could handle it, then maybe they shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

Guilt Tripping

kid sits in doorway with her hands covering her face

Pixabay / Pexels

"'So you're saying that I'm a bad parent' in response to any form of help-seeking or constructive criticism was the worst for me." - Derpchieftain / Reddit

Parents need to accept that they're not perfect. What kind of example are they setting for their children when they refuse to accept their own flaws and mistakes just because it's their own kid who points it out? Rather than teach them that they should follow authority blindly, parents should show their kids that it's okay to admit a wrong, learn from it and move forward

Negating Feelings

kid with blue eyes close up

Aadil / Pexels

"'You're being dramatic' or 'Quit being emotional', 'why are you being difficult', 'you make things so hard on me', 'someone else has it worse so stop crying'. - Sxthu / Reddit

Somewhere along the line, we were conditioned into thinking that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. it's time to unlearn that behavior and remind ourselves that it's those very emotions that make us human and guide our moral compass. Children actually act out more when they're denied their own feelings and told to just grow up.

Poking Fun At A Child

Kid looks into the camera with sad eyes

Misha Voguel / Pexels

"Making fun of your kid for making a change in their life for the better. I was always anti-social and the complete opposite of athletic. When I began to try and work out to gain some muscle, I got teased by my parents. All that did was discourage me and make me want to quit." Average_jaded_guy / Reddit

Kids at any age will look at their parents for approval and validation. Rather than be shut down, they should be encouraged. If they get made fun of by their own parents, they'll be convinced that everyone else will too.

Skewing The Idea Of Love

mom holds her daughter up in a field by the sun

Daria Obymaha / Pexels

" I think probably the most toxic thing a parent can say to a child is any form of, 'nobody will ever love you as much as I do' or 'I'm the only one who really loves you.' It's the psychological equivalent of a bear trap. Its purpose isn't just to hurt the kid, but to keep them from ever leaving." S_thyrsoidea / Reddit

There's a reason so many of us have commitment issues and a hard time creating and maintaining healthy romantic relationships. Often we don't even understand what the idea of healthy love looks like so we don't know what to look for. By modeling healthy boundaries and giving kids space, instead of telling them that love is conditional and only given freely by parents, we might increase their odds of finding meaningful relationships.

The Worst One Of All

Josh Willink / Pexels

"I wish you were never born." AmunPharaoh / Reddit

This might be the saddest thing you could ever say to a child. By saying this, no matter the context, you could take away their entire will to live. They will be left thinking that if their own parent doesn't want them, then how could anyone? This statement breaks their entire character and no matter how many times a parent apologizes for it after, the damage has already been done.

Find Out How To Break The Cycle

We don't blame you for being frustrated with dating and wanting to stick with what's comfortable but if you're struggling to find and keep a healthy relationship because of your upbringing click here to find out how to break the cycle.

For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

Uplifting

Father With Down Syndrome Raises Proud Doctor and Proves That Love Is Most Powerful Of All

Thanks to a viral video interview, Sader Issa has found a way to share with the world how his father's love transcended all other obstacles and made him the successful doctor that he is today. Despite being diagnosed with down Syndrome, this father never failed to fulfill his role and support his son.

Sader told the Syrian Society for Social Development all about being raised by his dad who has Down Syndrome, this is their inspirational story.

Sader's Childhood Was Just Like Any Other's

Sader with his parents as a baby

SSSD / Youtube

Sader was born, to a family that welcomed him, and wanted to spoil and love him. When he thinks back on his childhood, he reminisces on nothing but good and happy memories. He never once mentions being embarrassed by his father or thinking that his family was different. Instead, he remembered feeling very loved. In fact, his father would actually make the time to bond with him, spending time wrestling, thumb wrestling, among other games.

Luckily for the family, the community accepted them and even looked up to the love and peaceful bonds they all shared. To each other, and to the outside world, they were just another happy family, finding their strength in their love for one another.

Shame Was Replaced By Pride

Sader with his parents as a baby looking away

SSSD / Youtube

The beautiful thing about children, is that they are not born separating people into categories. They just long to love and be loved. Thinking someone is different or being ashamed for having a parent with a disability is only taught through society's conditioning. Sader isn’t ashamed of his father. He never was. Instead, he's proud because it's thanks to him that he is the man that he is today. Not only is he successful and healthy, but he also feels proud of the values he developed thanks to his family's upbringing.

Others are even envious of his ability to form meaningful and loving relationships, just like the one he shares with both of his parents. His father's condition was always a blessing, teaching him at a young age how to love strongly, and not cave into the negative thinking of others. He became independent, generous, and kind thanks to his experience of living so closely with someone who had Down Syndrome but defied the odds.

The Father And Son Duo Took Life On Together

Sader and his father wear matching polo shirts and smile at the camera

saderissa / Instagram

Sader didn't feel like his father was held back by his condition. In fact, the duo even used to work together at the wheat mill near their home to save for college. Sader's father was always committed to working hard and providing a secure and stable life for his son. He wanted him to study and follow his passion of becoming a doctor. His father never even expected anything in return.

“I’m proud of my father. Throughout my life he has been the greatest support for me when I needed it,"“I think I would’ve been much less excited about life and much less passionate with what I do if I didn’t have my special father,” explains Sader proudly.

Sader's Father Became A Role model

Sader's family sits outdoors smiling

saderissa / Instagram

There was something special about the way Sader's father always worked hard, exceeding expectations but never asking for anything in return. Seeing his son's happiness and success was enough for him. Now, seeing his son become a successful dentist is the best gift he could imagine.

“It’s possible to see when his eyes are filled with joy and satisfaction as if to express: yes, I have Down syndrome, but I raised this man and did everything in my power to make him become a doctor and help others.” says Sader.

The beautiful part is that Sader might have not become as successful if he didn't truly look up to his dad. He always saw him as a role model and a figure of perseverance, positivity, and determination. The way his father led his life, overcoming obstacles on a daily basis was not only inspiring to others but to Sader as well.​

The Power Of Love Is Unconditional

Sader poses with his dad

saderissa / Instagram

Sader's family hopes to raise awareness about the children of parents/ with Down Syndrome who love their children unconditionally. Researchers who studied parents who have children with Down Syndrome found that 99% of them reported loving their children, feeling proud and having a positive outlook on life because of their children. Just like any other parent, their priority is to make their child feel loved and live a happy life.

Sader hopes everyone can see that his father was just as capable as any other parent. "Let us give them a chance and see what great capabilities they have."

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His Parent's Bond Is Never Fading

Sader poses with his parents at church

Sader Issa / Facebook

The loving relationship between Sader and his father is quite inspiring but so is the one between his father and mother who has been together for decades. Yet, according to Sader, their love is just as strong as the day they got married. They have an understanding of each other's needs and are able to meet in the middle.

They often go on walks together or just sit and talk for hours on end. They set an optimal example and standard for healthy relationships for their son.

All Stereotypes Can Be Broken

Sader with his fellow dentists

saderissa / Instagram

Today Sader is a high-paid dentist in Syria and he continues to live a life full of love and happiness which is in itself priceless. His father continues to show him off proudly telling people and m my son is a doctor” with a twinkle in his eyes. The family is continuing to prove to the world every day that love is more powerful than anything and that can be enough to break stereotypes and defy all odds.

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