The holidays have just gone by, and we're feeling drained. While the holidays are a wonderful time to spend with loved ones, it becomes quickly exhausting, especially if it means traveling to see relatives and staying over. The same goes for hosting. You're not alone if you've lost sleep and still are recovering. However, the holidays are also a time of reflection, and one of the topics brought up by many was: "how long can you stay at someone's house before wearing out you're welcome?
As a host, is it rude to kick your in-laws out at some point, or is it rude of them to extend their stay? A study found the answer and even narrowed down the exact amount that someone should be staying over at another's house until they wear out their welcome.
The Stress of Staying At Someone's House
On both ends staying at someone else's house is stressful. As the guest, there is no comfort like your own bed, and it can feel like you're imposing on someone else's space. You don't know where anything is and must ask before doing anything. It's just not comfortable.
As the host, there's also an overwhelming amount of pressure to be at someone else's beck and call, to make the house look pristine, and to have enough more of everything to accommodate their needs. That means more groceries, more chores, and more socializing... you name it.
One of the biggest stressors that have been found as well as difficulty sleeping...
Irregular Sleep Schedule For Guests
Guests reported that their sleep schedules were disrupted whenever they slept over at someone else's home. In a study, Seventy-five percent of participants said they feel compelled to go to sleep and wake up at the same time as their hosts. Across generations, Gen Z was the most likely to miss out on a good night's rest, while Baby Boomers were the most likely.
JD Velilla, the head of the sleep experience at Serta Simmons, explains that it might come down to the whole change of routine prior to sleep. He advises that: "when and where possible, try to stick to your normal routine, which may include daily exercise, consistent mealtimes and sleep/wake times, and pre-sleep activities like meditation.”
Hosts Lose Sleep Too
The hosts also lose a lot of sleep. Our survey found that those hosting friends and family during the holidays lose a whole two and a half hours of sleep per day when getting ready to have others in their homes. Of all the generations, Gen Z is the most likely to lose at least FOUR hours of sleep per day when having guests overnight.
So basically, everyone is losing a ton of sleep during these visits. This is why it's important to stick to the magic number found by the study when considering how long to stay over at someone's house or how long to host.
The Magic Number
So how long is too long to stay at someone else's house? The study surveyed 2,000 participants and noted their sleep patterns when hosting and as guests. They found that 49% of participants stated they believe 4 days or more is too much time to spend at someone else's home.
That means that three days is the happy number, and anything more starts to take away from sleep, rest, and comfort for both the hosts and the guests.
Hosts Struggle To Break The News
The problem often is that hosts feel obligated to be accommodating for however long the guests want to stay, and the guests don't realize the effects of their extended stay. Hosts often want to leave a good impression on their guests, so they don't say anything when guests overstay.
However, knowing that extended stays are hurting both their and their guests' needs should encourage them to want to break the news. They could take a gentle approach by establishing boundaries before the guests arrive. This can be done by planning ahead and solidifying that plan before the guests arrive. This helps set a departure date ahead that works for everyone.
Setting Clear Boundaries
As the host, remember that no matter how much you love the person you're hosting, it shouldn't be your eternal responsibility to accommodate their every need for an extended stay. You could try saying things like, “would you like me to pack some leftovers to take with you? to drop subtle hints.
However, setting clear boundaries from the beginning is the best course of action. As for guests, be mindful of how your presence impacts those you love that are accommodating you. Consider moving between houses or hotels if you need to stay longer. However, remember that you also need routine, rest, and sleep at some point.
Time With Loved Ones Is Beyond Numbers
It can be hard to know what the right amount of time to spend with loved ones is because we do love them, after all. Technically there is never enough time to spend with those we love so we can't put a limit to it.
However, to love others properly and in a healthy way, we need to make sure we're mindful of their needs but mostly that we're taking care of ourselves too. That means sleeping well, limiting socializing, and prioritizing chores to conserve and replenish energy. It's possible that there is such a thing as "too much" time with loved ones.
Your Needs Matter Too
In any relationship, no matter whether family, friends, or partner, remember that your needs matter too. Even family sometimes takes advantage of us. Always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it's much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on your date of birth.