If You Want Your Relationship To Last, Do These Things, Says Relationship Coach
Being in love is one of the world's most beautiful experiences. When we're without it, we want it badly, and when we have love, we never want to lose it. It drives people to extremes, into passionate throes, causing them to act out to become a completely different person from who they were before.
But underneath that passion is a lot of work that needs to be done. Love is more than just a feeling, it's a cultivated, deliberate experience between two people who want each other. What can you do to contribute to lasting love in your life?
Finding your soulmate can seem impossible, what with so many people in the world. What if it could be made much easier? What if someone could help you find your one and only?
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A Love That Lasts
When you find a relationship that works, that really clicks and feels perfect, you'll be willing to do anything to make it work. That may sound dramatic, but love makes us dramatic! We want the people we adore to stay in our lives, and when it comes to a partner, we want them to stay forever.
Is there truly any way to guarantee that, though? Maybe not with absolute, rock-solid certainty, but relationship experts have narrowed down a few things you can do to help promote a healthy, long-lasting partnership.
1. Taking Accountability
Relationship coach Julie Nguyen wrote a piece for VerywellMind in which she discusses five things that help build a lasting relationship. The first of these is taking accountability to do better.
"When you take accountability, you're ultimately embracing objectivity," she wrote. "[...] You can own up to something when you're wrong, stay open in an argument, and attempt to see someone else's perspective. Your partner will appreciate your expansive ability to admit your mistakes, self-reflect, and make positive changes. When you want to improve for the better, you're protecting the sacredness and beauty of your relationship."
2. Turn Toward Their Bids
A 'bid' is a small instance that shows your desire to be closer to your partner. This can look like asking for help, sharing observations, checking in with them, laughing with them, or small physical touches.
Turning toward these bids means participating in them, encouraging them, and generally always being interested in what your partner is doing or what they're thinking. The desire to always want to keep learning about them or always find ways to show that you're invested in their life alongside yours will resonate well in their heart.
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3. Have Fun Together
Next is a simple piece of advice: have fun together!
As Nguyen wrote, "Fun involves being intentional about having positive experiences and adding a certain playfulness into your dynamic. [...] These special moments enhance the quality of your connection, maintain a positive perception, and nurture optimism for your shared future."
"As passionate love matures into compassionate love, the demands of life—be it exhaustion, work, finances, family, and other stressors—can sometimes make it challenging to prioritize your connection. However, this relationship investment matters. By enjoying the connection, it'll make difficult moments feel less intense and bring you closer as best friends."
4. Let Go Of Your Expectations
To truly thrive in love, you must let go of your expectations. We grow up building this image of our dream partner in our heads, but rarely does that person ever exist. Or, if they do, they carry baggage with them (as all humans do) that you didn't expect you'd have to deal with.
Letting go of your expectations from a partner will help liberate you from this prison of your own making. This isn't to say you can't have standards or things you want in a partner, just that you shouldn't expect anything specific from them before getting to know them well. Let them come as they are.
5. Preserve Positive Beliefs About Your Partner
Lastly, there's the idea of preserving the positive illusions you have about your partner.
Nguyen describes this, saying, "If you believe your partner is consistently attractive, funny, kind, and sweet–whichever qualities you see as your ideal–it's highly likely you’ll experience enduring satisfaction in your relationship. Let's say your partner is going through a rough time, and they're unable to meet all of your usual expectations. Instead of being frustrated, you see their situation with grace and choose to remember the times they exceeded your expectations. This perspective allows you to see their perceived flaws with realistic positivity and compassion."
A Better, Stronger Future
Every relationship is different, so what works for others might not work for you, but the most important part is that you're working at all. Many people refuse to even think about putting active work into their relationships. Wanting to put in any amount of effort is already a show of commitment to this partnership and its future.
So, talk about these ideas with your partner or start implementing them when you can. Find the bits of love and joy that remind you how lucky you are to have them in your life, to have someone you can build a future with, and to have a love you can trust.