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10+ Jokes That Only Intellectuals Will Understand

There is a special little feeling you get when you understand a really nerdy joke. You obviously feel smart, but it also makes you feel a bit dorky at the same time.

A group of Redditors decided to share their favorite intellectual jokes, and we've compiled some of our favorites here.

Music, chemistry, and art; these jokes have it all. Hopefully you can use one to impress the guests of your next dinner party! It's time to test your knowledge! Here are 29 of the best jokes for smart people.

Let us know which one is your favorite in the comments below!

Joke #1

A mathematician and an engineer decided they'd take part in an experiment.

They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed.

The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.

The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in.

The mathematician said "Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her."

The engineer replied, "So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

Joke #2

Photo: iryna1 / Shutterstock.com

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten.

Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.

Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"

Newton replies "You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

Joke #3

A buddhist monk approaches a burger foodtruck and says "make me one with everything."

The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.

"Where's my change?" the monk asks. The vendor replies, "change comes from within".

Joke #4

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive."

"But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."

"However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative."

But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Joke #5

Photo: deepspace / Shutterstock.com

Noam Chomsky, Kurt Godel and Werner Heisenberg walk into a bar.

Heisenberg turns to the other and says "Obviously this is a joke, but how can we tell if it's funny?"

Godel replies "We can't know that because we're inside the joke."

Chomsky says "Of course it's funny, you're just telling it wrong."

Joke #6

First Law of Thermodynamics: You can't win.

Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can't break even.

Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can't stop playing.

Joke #7

Photo: Takashi Images / Shutterstock.com

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting in a cafe revising his first draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, "I would like a cup of coffee please. No cream." the waitress replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Joke #8

Photo: neftali / Shutterstock.com

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway.

A cop pulls him over and says, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"

Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."

Joke #9

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."

Joke #10

Photo: Arina P Habich / Shutterstock.com

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

Joke #11

A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here." The Higgs Boson replied, "Well, without me, you can't have mass."

Joke #12

A programmer's wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread.

Joke #13

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

Joke #14

Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.

Joke #15

Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.

Joke #16

It's hard to take kleptomaniacs and puns seriously. Why? They take things literally.

Joke #17

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Joke #18

C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

Joke #19

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. "You mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."

Joke #20

Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers please!"

Joke #21

Boy I tell ya, entropy ain't what it used to be.

Joke #22

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Joke #23

Why do engineers mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

Joke #24

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

Joke #25

Pavlov is at a bar enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he shouts "Oh! I forgot to feed the dog."

Joke #26

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.

Joke #27

Photo: lev radin / Shutterstock.com

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Philip Glass.

Joke #28

Schrödinger's cat walks into the bar and doesn't.

Joke #29

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

Relationships

Psychology Defines 7 Types Of Love, Yet Only A Rare Few Make It To The Last One

Psychologists have confirmed the average person will experience different types of love through their lives. A study has even shown that a person can fall in love at least three times in their lifetime. Howevr, the type of love that they experience often depends on the one they share it with. Some people bring out deep emotions that cause a whirlwind of a romance, which is sometimes toxic. Others, turn out to be nothing more than companions and are better off as friendships.

However, rare are the people who gets the experience the kind of love that truly feels everlasting, fulfilling and healthy. Find out which kind of love we mean and which type of love your current kind of love falls into

.For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

Infuatuation

man hold's woman's face to kiss her

Dainis Graveris / nsplash

This is the first step of all relationships but it remains on a shallow level. It's usually a fine line between lust and love and infatuation never usually makes it past the lust and into a meaningful connection. Yet, infatuation is often disguised as love and can be confusing.

The more both parties are physically attracted to each other, the more they want to spend all of their time together and move a relationship really quickly from the get-go. However, this kind of relationship is usually short-lived. When relationships get too intense, too quickly, they don't tend to take the time to build a solid enough foundation to grow on, and many of the red flags just get brushed off only to come back later.

Do you want to learn a secret technique anyone can master that will make someone fall in love with you?

Liking

Cople sit on a car watching the sunset

Karsten Winegeart / Unsplash

This is usually the second stage of a relationship. Once we decide that we are attracted enough to someone, we become open to getting to know them better. From there, the more we get to know them, the more feelings are developed based on what we know. This is still an introductory stage to relationships, because the more layers are peeled, the higher the risk of finding some sort of dealbreaker that ends the relationship there.

During this stage either feelings will develop closer to love, and increase passion or commitment, or they will eventually fade and grow closer to a friendship It all depends on shared values, interests, and needs.

Empty Love

woman leans on man's shoulder while he faces the other way

Milan Popvic / Unsplash

This is a tricky kind of relationship. On one hand, it is an exclusive relationship with an agreed-upon commitment. Couples experiencing this type of love could spend years on end together but still lack intimacy and passion. They may truly enjoy each other's company and care deeply about one another but still be missing that special spark that makes everything come together.

Over time the relationship becomes comfortable but boring. It's not necessarily that anyone is doing anything wrong, but there is no denying that the relationship is just missing something to make it feel passionate and exciting.

Fatuous Love

man kisses woman on the forehead

Jacob Owrns / Unsplash

This is the most common type of love as it includes two of the three foundations: commitment and passion. Couples often find that enough to pursue their relationship and exchange their vows. Yet, this kind of relationship despite having attraction lacks true intimacy.

These kinds of relationships go through many ups ad downs, they have their good days but they also have the days where they feel like they're not truly happy or like their needs aren't being fully met. This could be due to differing love languages or because the couple isn't able to reach a high enough level of vulnerability to fully give themselves to someone else.

Romantic Love

man and woman close up of holding hands

Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

This kind of love has another combination of the three pillars of love: passion and intimacy. The feelings are there and so is the attraction. Couples in this kind of relationship feel really close to one another and it's easy for them to open up. They fall deeply in love, rather quickly and naturally. The only problem is they can't necessarily agree on where the relationship is headed so they just brush it off.

They put off serious commitments hoping to just go with the flow and figure the rest out in time. Unfortunately in many instances, the relationship reaches a termination point because of major commitments that can't be agreed on.

Take a quick zodiac reading here to find out what your universe has to say about you right now.

Companionate Love

man and woman sito n the floor laughing

Sarah Noltner Unsplash

Companionate love consists of commitment and intimacy, another combination that is still lacking. This type of love is somewhere between the line of friendship and love. There is somewhat of an attraction that makes the friendship feel stronger but it's mostly due to the strong bond that's shared. This kind of couple is each other's best friend, They trust each other fully, and are able to be completely themselves.

The attraction is there and the love is genuine but it's missing that head over heels super-in-love kind of feeling. Many relationships develop into this kind of love after many years of marriage.

Consummate Love

man and woman slow dance with string lights

Anthony Tran / Unsplash

This is the ideal kind of love and yet it is the rarest of all. It is made of all the pillars of the perfect relationship: love passion, emotional and physical intimacy, and commitment. The levels of each vary throughout time but there is enough of each to keep the relationship young even after years of commitment. Arguments are resolved peacefully, affection is given freely and plans of the future are carried out.

These couples are just as in love as the day they met during their final days. They find ways to keep their relationships exciting and keep on surprising one another. They never allow themselves to truly get comfortable and stop appreciating what they have. They trust each other fully while still pursuing their own independence.

Healthy Love

man spins woman around in a forest

Scott Broome / Unsplash

All that matters in love is that you are happy and the love is healthy. The rest can be developed and worked on with the right person. In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?

Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it's much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.