Dating is hard as it is, but trying to figure out what is going on in the other person’s mind is psychologically draining. Despite constantly looking down at communication devices, our communication skills are lacking in the modern age. Dating has been reduced to a guessing game of “does he even like me” and feeling the need to play hard to get to not seem too eager or needy. Yet, both women and men crave love equally…it’s human nature. So how can we simplify the process?
Let’s start by asking each other what it is that we want for each other. These 7 men led the way by describing what it is that women do that turns them off.
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Men just want to know if you like them or not, they don’t want you misleading them with things “like playing games, only hinting towards feelings, never saying anything, etc. Like I don’t think I’ve ever looked at someone and went ‘oh, they can’t communicate at all, god I wanna date them’.” Blujay12 / Reddit
Seeming unavailable doesn’t intrigue them or make them want to fight for you. After all, can you blame them for respecting your feelings if you don’t seem to like them? If you like them, show them. If they think it’s too much then they’re simply not the right person for you!
Normalizing Toxic behavior
There seems to be a trend that being “crazy” is fun or funny, yet this is often a way to justify toxic behavior. Dookuwasaboss from Reddit shares: When they think being crazy is like a positive or attractive thing. . Like no you’re just toxic.”
“It isn’t funny when women (or men) do it, and I wish we’d quit normalizing it. Do unto others, man.” If a man were to yell, manipulate, criticize, or get upset for no reason, we would view his behavior as harmful and immature. So rather than create a double standard, men wish for women to not view “acting crazy” as a quirk they should put up with.
Playing Hard To Get
“Playing hard to get and then asking why you aren’t interested in them.” – AggressiveJello
We’ve touched on this but we want to build on it a little more because it’s not always intentional. You may not realize that you’re sending mixed signals because you’re simply guarding yourself, or following “dating” rules that have been conditioned to you, but actually make you insecure.
The key is in just being yourself and letting go of fear. If your personality is introverted and you’re not the type to show affection then the right person will get it, as long as you’re not putting up an act that you believe will make you seem more desirable.
Fear Of Opening Up
“Being anything other than genuine. It’s really hard to do, since we’re all scared that if we let people see our true selves, they won’t like us, but the truth is that the true you is the most beautiful you.” Big_Happy_Smiles / Reddit
The bad news is that we all have our baggage. But in a way, this is also good news because it’s those same experiences that make us who are. As long as you’re confronting and working through then who you are is beautiful, whatever it may look like.
Being Compared To An Ex
Many men echoed the need to want to be looked that as a new experience rather than a comparative experiment to an ex. One person on Reddit shared: “don’t compare us to an ex, you’re just building paranoia that we’re constantly being compared to someone else” while another added “I want to be thought of as wonderful on my own terms in a unique way to them. maraca101 / Reddit
While we can’t help but compare something new to something we already know, it’s important to be aware of our biases so as to not project unfairly on someone else when they’ve given us no reason to.
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One man shared that prioritizing a man’s wallet is an immediate turn-off. “I’d fall instantly out of love with a woman if I found she was fairly greedy and materialistic. A woman on a first date probing for a guy’s salary and earning potential makes people feel used.” -ononononoh
Keep in mind that depending on a man for his money and equating his potential with his salary is different than finding a suitor who matches your goal, work ethic, lifestyle, and standard.
One Sided effort
“Treats romance like a passenger. Lots of girls don’t put any effort into relationships and expect all the work done. This is such a turn-off. Relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial.” TheConsumer101
We are living in an age where we’re thriving for equality for men and women so why should relationships be any different? Go for the person you want, make the first move, and buy them dinner. It’s all about reciprocating to create an equal and healthy power dynamic.
Attraction Is Relative
Although these men were candid about what they look for in a woman, what they said can’t be used to speak on behalf of all men…or women. After all love and attraction are relative. What matters is that you remain true to yourself and your values, know what you’re looking for, and never settle or put up a front out fear or societal expectations.
Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it’s much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.