I’ll Never Fit In

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All humans are at least somewhat contradictory. It’s who we are. We have different wants at different times. We can be real difficult to pin down. And the INFJ is no different.

INFJ is a personality type defined by the Myers-Briggs personality classification.

It stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. Broadly, INFJs tend to be more insightful about others than most other types.

Myers-Briggs defines these people as those who seek meaning and connection in ideas and relationships, as well as material possessions.

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But the INFJ in particular is very complex, which leads to some dualistic tendencies and contradicting traits that border on hypocritical at times.

We’ll break down these traits below.

1. They hate being here but they want to make it better

INFJ’s have a great deal of difficulty feeling like they belong and like where they are matters.

In a lot of ways, they don’t really care where they are. But they also like to make things better wherever they go.

But where they happen to go is another story. While INFJ wants to see things improve where they are, where they are can change on a whim.

They’re the types to move across country for no reason in particular or switch houses for the fun of it. INFJs don’t easily feel like they’re at home and rarely stick in one spot.

Still, if there’s an INFJ in your life, chances are your life is going to get a lot better, even if they don’t stick around for too long.

Enjoy your time with your INFJ, even if it’s fleeting. And hopefully one day they’ll find the place they’ll call home.

2. Their feet are on the ground but their heads are in the clouds

INFJs are grounded, rational, sensible people who love metaphysical woo and deep philosophical ideas.

On one hand, they want themselves and their people to be grounded and sane but they still love ghost stories, spiritual conversations, and deep philosophical intrigue that can go on and on and on.

This tends to make the INFJ well rounded and wise, if not a bit silly and hard to understand.

INFJs, because of all this, tend to come off as a little bit otherworldly. While they want to live a simple life, they tend to have extravagant tastes.

They tend to want to be minimalists but can’t let go of all the cool stuff they’ve collected.

3. They stand up for others, but not themselves

INFJs are like superheroes to everyone but themselves.

They are caring and attentive of others and would jump in front of a bullet for you.

They’re empathic, they feel the emotions and the senses of other people and would do dang near anything to make the people in their lives happy and exude positivity.

But conversely, they are almost incapable of doing any of those things for themselves. They’ll stand up for you, but rarely will they stand up to you.

INFJs are very conscious of hurting the feelings of others, which makes them less likely to speak up on their own behalf out of fear of causing problems for someone else.

Even when the other person is so seriously wrong, INFJs just kinda let it go.

It comes at a great cost to INFJ more often than not, but the strength of their friends helps them through choppy waters and rocky situations.

That’s the benefit of sticking up for just about everyone you know.

4. They’re messy clean

INFJs have an unusual space.

They’re often very meticulous about cleaning but not very meticulous about being organized, or vice versa.

It’s not uncommon to sit down at the desk of an INFJ and see it covered in dust and old coffee mugs but open a desk drawer and everything inside of it will be pristine and well placed.

INFJs are creative types, so they rarely settle for a space that looks the same for longer periods of times.

Tidiness may seem like madness and cleanliness like an insane waste of time.

The imperfections of an INFJ’s space is what makes them feel whole, safe, secure, and interesting.

Their homes will probably look different to you each time that you visit because they’re constantly arranging and rearranging things.

Go with the flow.

5. They’re creative but sensible

INFJs are in the middle of the road when it comes to balancing dreams and action. In particular, they’re very creative but also sensible.

They’re the kinds of people who have incredible artistic talent but chose to pursue a business degree instead and, in the middle of life, open an etsy shop that sells chicken sweaters, their creative speciality (obviously).

Their rational, sensible side measures out just about every single thing an INFJ does, which can be tedious if you’re in a relationship with one.

Decisive action isn’t common and when a decision is made, for the most part, it’s a pretty safe decision.

They’re not the biggest risk takers even though they have some pretty big dreams.

INFJs tend to have a very strong set of values and aren’t all that spontaneous.

When an INFJ puts their mind to something big, there really is next to nothing they cannot accomplish.

6. They’re chill but demand perfection

INFJ are a pretty relaxed people. They kinda go with the flow and do whatever.

But in a way, they’re perfectionists. Don’t worry though, that perfectionism is mostly inwardly focused, not an expectation on the people around them.

That wouldn’t be all that chill, would it? At heart, INFJ wants to be wacky, spontaneous, and fun.

But they’re often drawn back to their strong core values that really don’t allow for that kind of behavior.

Instead, they keep their feet firmly on the ground and find more subtle ways to get their rebellious tendencies out of their systems.

Sometimes rebellion to an INFJ is simply rebelling against the structure they’ve set up for themselves.

7. They want to be left alone with all of their friends

INFJs are loners at heart, but they’re socialites as well. It’s an odd combination.

They tend to be introverted, often thinking about what’s happening inside of their own minds instead of what’s going on around them.

Yet INFJs enjoy the company of others. It comes from the sensitive, warm nature of the INFJ. They enjoy their alone time but can’t resist the urge to bring people in, cook dinner, have drinks, and talk until dawn.

While they’re private, they crave the ability to share their life and their space with the people in their life.

But don’t be too surprised when INFJ simply disappears for days on end after a large gathering. Like most introverts, they’ll need time to fully recharge.

Higher Perspectives Author

Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives