6 Parenting Mistakes That Have A Negative Impact On Kids
Making your kids the whole world.
Of course as a parent you want your child or children to have a happy life, but by acting like the whole universe revolves around them, you're actually doing them a disservice. Kids in this situation become self-centered and don't focus on the needs of others. They are less likely to be happy and lead meaningful lives.
Pointing out (often false) negative traits.
I formerly tutored middle and high school aged students, and it was remarkable how much self-hate these kids carried with them. One student told me that he could never learn because he was stupid. I asked him why, and he replied "That's what my grandma says." Your kids may disappoint you from time to time, but don't expect the worst from them and belittle them.
Punishing bad behavior and ignoring the good.
Bad behavior doesn't often go unnoticed, and it is important to express to your kids the consequences of doing the wrong thing intentionally. But it's important for good behavior to be rewarded. If your child gets an F on an exam, it's totally fair to take away the Game Boy Color (I'm dating myself here) until their grades improve. When the grades are good, acknowledge it! Do something special for them.
Shaming and threatening your children.
The things kids do can be frustrating and stressful, there's no doubt about it. You can't ever shame your children though. When children feel ashamed, their personal development is stunted. They feel like they aren't worthy of love, from you or anyone else, and this leads to psychological problems. Likewise, you can't threaten your kids with punishment for things that might be out of their control, like bed wetting or an illness.
Being a friend, not a parent.
Kids will go to school and make plenty of friends. What they need from you is a parent. Parents have to discipline children, set expectations and establish boundaries. They don't need a parent who will be their friend.
Ignoring your relationship or marriage to focus on the kids.
According to David Code, a therapist and author, "Families centered on children create anxious, exhausted parents and demanding, entitled children." I myself am not some expert on marriage, but Code argues that it's just as important if not more so for you to meet the needs of your spouse and keep your relationship strong.