What do you usually look for in a partner? We tend to be attracted to people who give us a secure attachment and make us feel loved and saved in their presence. That's because security is encouraging of success in long-term commitment.
Out of all attachment styles, we should all never settle until we find a partner with a secure attachment style. These people are able to love from a healthy place on which to build a solid foundation for lifelong happiness. Securely attached people are confident, and emotionally available and make dating feel safe and easy. Here is how to tell if you or your partner are one of these people by their personality type.
They Wear Their Heart On Their Sleeve
While most people feel naked when they expose their deepest feelings, those with secure attachment share that information voluntarily. Their worth is not calculated by the reaction of others to them.
Rather, they live life by their own rules, radiating confidence, and consider those who respond negatively to them to be undeserving of their attention. While they often work on their growth and don't shy away from therapy, they don't require external validation and rather look for acceptance from within.
They Have A Great Sense Of Empathy
Their confidence gives them no need to be defensive. They can easily see the other side of the coin and take a minute to evaluate the opposing perspective. They navigate conflict with grace and patience because they think before they speak and calculate the consequences of their actions. They chose their words carefully because they want to make sure they're not hurting others just to prove themselves right. They'll respectfully agree to disagree.
Even more importantly they can read others like a book. They understand without judgment. They make for some of the best friends and partners.
They Welcome Commitment
No fear of commitment to be found here. It's not that these people are immune to fears of the unknown and that it's easy for them to give out their hearts to someone else or take big risks. However, they have made peace with their baggage and don't let it hold them back.
They love the opportunity of a risk because it means that they can move forward. With high risk comes a high reward. They would rather play out a situation than say no to commitment out of fear and miss out on it entirely.
They Are Not Afraid Of Failure
Secure people understand that failure is an opportunity to learn from their mistakes. They don't blackout bad memories because it's easier to forget about it. Rather they take the time to grieve the bad times and confront them so that they can observe what went wrong and do their best to avoid its repetition.
This is why they don't get stuck in negative cycles or self-deprecating patterns. They have healthy coping mechanisms to manage and regulate stress which allows them to recover quickly from negative experiences. People with secure attachment are confident in their abilities so they know that just because it didn't work out this time, doesn't mean it never will.
They Open Up Within Boundaries
They feel comfortable sharing their emotions and making themselves vulnerable to others. They will talk with you all till the sun comes up about their greatest fears and desires and make you feel like you're safe in their presence. However, they're also self-aware and are attuned enough with themselves to know when they're reaching a point of discomfort.
These people aren't afraid to say no. They're not people pleasers who drain themselves just to make others happy. They understand that for balance to exist they need to fill their cup as much as they empty it. They know how to prioritize at the risk of offending you by saying no to plans if they know it will take away from their responsibilities.
The Root Cause Of Attachment Styles
Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't have a secure attachment style. Our attachment styles affect pretty much everything in our relationships. However, it's rooted in years of conditioning that we are not even aware of.
They are developed in childhood, based on the way our parents or primal caregivers cared for us at the time. For example, if our parents were absent, we can develop abandonment issues and have an anxious or avoidant attachment style as adults as a means to protect ourselves.
However, the good news is that we are also not stuck with an insecure attachment style.
Cultvating Secure Attachement
You can learn and cultivate these personality traits to form healthy relationships. The secure attachment style is the only healthy style out of all four. Start by figuring out yours and how it impacts your relationships. From there you can work to become more and more secure.
You'll notice yourself becoming more trusting, comfortable with intimacy, confident, committed and surrounded by healthy boundaries.
For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.