Relationships

I Don't Want A Perfect Life, I Want A Happy Life

5 Relationship Traps To Avoid

Many years ago when I was having trouble in my marriage, I felt like all of the other couples I knew were effortlessly and happily sailing along.

The truth is, married life is a challenge for every single couple.

Many of us fall into the trap of believing that something is wrong with our relationship, even though what's happening is perfectly normal.

So, if all our time is spent thinking that the ship of our marriage is sinking, we're not doing the thing we most need to do: learn how to sail.

Don't let these relationship traps steer your marriage ship off of its happy course.

1. Marriage shouldn't be such hard work

This is a biggie. The misconception that marriage should be easier than it is keeps people from making an effort when they most need to – when things aren't going well.

Why not think, "If it takes this much work, we need some better tools to address our difficulties?"

Or, "If we have to work this hard, maybe there's something I'm doing that's making it even harder." Better still, "If it takes this much work, we're obviously committed to having a high-quality marriage."

Never lose sight of that commitment to each other and your relationship no matter how rough the waters become.

Learn how to keep your partner coming back for more, click here and watch this free video from relationship expert, Amy North.

2. Fighting is a sign our marriage is in trouble

Research has shown that couples who fight are no more unhappy and no more likely to divorce than couples who don't.

In fact, people who don't fight can be having marital troubles as serious, or worse than those who fight tooth and nail.

There's a world of difference between having good problem-solving skills that keep fights within bounds and stuffing things under the rug in the name of peace.

Fights that do not end with repair are exhausting and problematic and erode a couple's goodwill.

But couples whose conflicts lead to deeper understanding, empathy, and reconciliation report high levels of satisfaction and often consider their fights to be worthwhile.

3. People should only marry their soulmate

You probably know at least one couple who are convinced that their husband/wife is the one and only person on earth for them and that they miraculously found each other.

In case that's not you, don't worry about it.

Most of us marry someone who is a combination of positive and negative traits from our experiences of love growing up in our family.

Rather than thinking, "There must be some perfect someone out there and unfortunately I didn't marry him/her," a more healthy way to think about it is this: there are many hundreds, if not thousands, of suitable partners to choose from and we just need one.

Whomever we choose, he or she will sometimes push our buttons and sometimes touch our heart.

4. "Marriage" is the problem

It's amazing how much marriage gets a bad rap. People often talk about how half of all marriages fail rather than focus on the fifty to sixty percent of marriages that succeed.

They say marriage is the end of freedom, the end of romance, and the end of……fill in the blank with your favorite thing about sex.

People blame the institution of marriage rather than think, "Man I'm really not very good at this." or "Wow, did I have unrealistic expectations!"

Marriage is a tough teacher, and we all have plenty to learn.

5. Married couple are supposed to make each other happy

Marriage is much more difficult than any of us expect and, when trouble arrives, our experience of being "happy" in our relationship can take quite a hit.

Some people assume that having a good marriage would mean that life with their partner should be blissful. Well, bliss is overrated and fleeting.

The key to marital happiness is to figure out how to be happy without needing to be "perfectly" happy.

Happy couples aren't happy 24/7, and they don't expect to be. Sometimes they're driven nuts by some of the things their spouse does.

Sometimes they face serious issues that don't have quick and easy solutions. The most important thing to remember is that your happiness is your responsibility.

Nobody can make you happy. YOU have to make YOU happy.

For more great relationship advice and tips, watch this video from relationship expert Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

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Relationships

Psychology Defines 7 Types Of Love, Yet Only A Rare Few Make It To The Last One

Psychologists have confirmed the average person will experience different types of love through their lives. A study has even shown that a person can fall in love at least three times in their lifetime. Howevr, the type of love that they experience often depends on the one they share it with. Some people bring out deep emotions that cause a whirlwind of a romance, which is sometimes toxic. Others, turn out to be nothing more than companions and are better off as friendships.

However, rare are the people who gets the experience the kind of love that truly feels everlasting, fulfilling and healthy. Find out which kind of love we mean and which type of love your current kind of love falls into

.For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

Infuatuation

man hold's woman's face to kiss her

Dainis Graveris / nsplash

This is the first step of all relationships but it remains on a shallow level. It's usually a fine line between lust and love and infatuation never usually makes it past the lust and into a meaningful connection. Yet, infatuation is often disguised as love and can be confusing.

The more both parties are physically attracted to each other, the more they want to spend all of their time together and move a relationship really quickly from the get-go. However, this kind of relationship is usually short-lived. When relationships get too intense, too quickly, they don't tend to take the time to build a solid enough foundation to grow on, and many of the red flags just get brushed off only to come back later.

Do you want to learn a secret technique anyone can master that will make someone fall in love with you?

Liking

Cople sit on a car watching the sunset

Karsten Winegeart / Unsplash

This is usually the second stage of a relationship. Once we decide that we are attracted enough to someone, we become open to getting to know them better. From there, the more we get to know them, the more feelings are developed based on what we know. This is still an introductory stage to relationships, because the more layers are peeled, the higher the risk of finding some sort of dealbreaker that ends the relationship there.

During this stage either feelings will develop closer to love, and increase passion or commitment, or they will eventually fade and grow closer to a friendship It all depends on shared values, interests, and needs.

Empty Love

woman leans on man's shoulder while he faces the other way

Milan Popvic / Unsplash

This is a tricky kind of relationship. On one hand, it is an exclusive relationship with an agreed-upon commitment. Couples experiencing this type of love could spend years on end together but still lack intimacy and passion. They may truly enjoy each other's company and care deeply about one another but still be missing that special spark that makes everything come together.

Over time the relationship becomes comfortable but boring. It's not necessarily that anyone is doing anything wrong, but there is no denying that the relationship is just missing something to make it feel passionate and exciting.

Fatuous Love

man kisses woman on the forehead

Jacob Owrns / Unsplash

This is the most common type of love as it includes two of the three foundations: commitment and passion. Couples often find that enough to pursue their relationship and exchange their vows. Yet, this kind of relationship despite having attraction lacks true intimacy.

These kinds of relationships go through many ups ad downs, they have their good days but they also have the days where they feel like they're not truly happy or like their needs aren't being fully met. This could be due to differing love languages or because the couple isn't able to reach a high enough level of vulnerability to fully give themselves to someone else.

Romantic Love

man and woman close up of holding hands

Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

This kind of love has another combination of the three pillars of love: passion and intimacy. The feelings are there and so is the attraction. Couples in this kind of relationship feel really close to one another and it's easy for them to open up. They fall deeply in love, rather quickly and naturally. The only problem is they can't necessarily agree on where the relationship is headed so they just brush it off.

They put off serious commitments hoping to just go with the flow and figure the rest out in time. Unfortunately in many instances, the relationship reaches a termination point because of major commitments that can't be agreed on.

Take a quick zodiac reading here to find out what your universe has to say about you right now.

Companionate Love

man and woman sito n the floor laughing

Sarah Noltner Unsplash

Companionate love consists of commitment and intimacy, another combination that is still lacking. This type of love is somewhere between the line of friendship and love. There is somewhat of an attraction that makes the friendship feel stronger but it's mostly due to the strong bond that's shared. This kind of couple is each other's best friend, They trust each other fully, and are able to be completely themselves.

The attraction is there and the love is genuine but it's missing that head over heels super-in-love kind of feeling. Many relationships develop into this kind of love after many years of marriage.

Consummate Love

man and woman slow dance with string lights

Anthony Tran / Unsplash

This is the ideal kind of love and yet it is the rarest of all. It is made of all the pillars of the perfect relationship: love passion, emotional and physical intimacy, and commitment. The levels of each vary throughout time but there is enough of each to keep the relationship young even after years of commitment. Arguments are resolved peacefully, affection is given freely and plans of the future are carried out.

These couples are just as in love as the day they met during their final days. They find ways to keep their relationships exciting and keep on surprising one another. They never allow themselves to truly get comfortable and stop appreciating what they have. They trust each other fully while still pursuing their own independence.

Healthy Love

man spins woman around in a forest

Scott Broome / Unsplash

All that matters in love is that you are happy and the love is healthy. The rest can be developed and worked on with the right person. In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?

Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it's much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.