The 4 Main Reasons Why People Cheat

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We are not here to justify cheating, one of the biggest forms of betrayal that a relationship can experience. However, whenever cheating happens, it can have detrimental effects that leaves the couple wondering how the whole thing can be avoided. There is often a lack of closure and walls are broken that can take years if ever, to be built back up.

While we cannot prevent, or control a cheater, understanding why happens is a reminder that it happens to the best of us. The most that we can do is to understand it as to not blame ourselves when we fall victim to it.

Feeling Neglected

couple walking towards the water

Taryn Elliot / Unsplash

Taryn Elliot / Unsplash

The way cheaters often justify their actions is by expressing that they craved attention. They often echo that they were experiencing unmet needs and couldn’t resist the opportunity to fill that void.

What they fail to mention is that they often also didn’t communicate their feelings before they act on them. They simply can look for ways to get attention from their partner rather than simply look for it elsewhere.

Out Of Revenge

man in red lighting

Alex Mihai / Unsplash

Alex Mihai / Unsplash

While two wrongs don’t make a right, unhealthy coping mechanisms can push people to want those who hurt them to understand their pain. They feel as though they can only get over their pain by punishing their partner and making them feel it too.

They become so blinded by anger that it becomes too late to save the relationship when they discover how far they took their revenge.

Narcissistic Traits

man with his face covered in ocean

Alex Iby / Unsplash

Alex Iby / Unsplash

​Some people can’t even explain why they cheated. They feel as though they had a right to it, and show no guilt or remorse. In fact, they might even turn the tables to blame their partner for their cheating.

However, when narcissism is the cause, cheating is actually a sign of low self-esteem. Narcissists tend to feed their ego through the validation of others, and often just the one from their partner is not enough. This causes them to have serious commitment issues.

Situational Factors

woman having a drink of wine

Pablo merchant / Unsplash

Pablo merchant / Unsplash

One of the most common justifications by cheaters is ” it was just a one time thing, it didn’t even mean anything.” Some cheaters act out of character in certain circumstances. Maybe they were drinking, or were travelling and were outside of their element when they were faced with temptation.

They got caught up in the moment and didn’t take in what they were doing until the guilt set in after the fact.

Nothing To Do With You

woman holding her face

Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

The most important lesson if you get cheated on is that it has nothing to do with you. You didn’t miss the signs, or let it happen. You couldn’t have prevented it, and you couldn’t have controlled somebody else’s decision, so there’s no point in blaming yourself.

Instead, accept that the journey is now theirs, to discover why they allowed themselves to fall into this pitfall. Then let them deal with the consequences.

Higher Perspectives Author

Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives