The 6 Behavior Rules That Build Resiliency After a Brutal Breakup

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As we near Singles Day, we need to start celebrating being single, but to do that we need to get past the brutal breakups that have scarred us. No matter how badly someone hurt you, they gave you an opportunity to build your resiliency.

The more resilient you become, the less you’ll even care because you’ll understand that their toxicity and negativity is a reflection of them, and a projection of their struggles. You, on the other hand, have power. You know how to take a brutal breakup and turn it into a celebration of your new single life if you can stick to these 6 behavior rules. They’re difficult but mighty.

The 21 Day No Contact Rule

agenda open on day 21 with pencil / Unsplash / Unsplash

It’s funny to think about it, but even after the worst of breakups, after a few days have gone by, people will tend to stop looking at the bad, and get lost in only good. This is why so many people in toxic relationships get back together after short breaks, convincing themselves that their lapse in memory and rose-colored glasses will somehow overshadow the core issues that caused them to break up in the first place.

It takes 21 days to break a habit, just like it takes as long to create a new one. 21 days will allow you to break out of the need to text and call them while throwing logic out the window, and force you to look inwards and get used to life without them.

The No Rebound Rule

man holds woman's face to kiss her

Dainis Graveris / Unsplash

Dainis Graveris / Unsplash

​Whoever said that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, had some issues they needed to work through. That’s a recipe for codependency and projection, and nothing else. You need to actually take the time to be alone after a brutal breakup.

A rebound may put a bandaid on your pain but it’ll just delay your confrontation with the inevitable. Except by then, you’re also risking hurting a third innocent party that you just happened to involve in your moment of weakness. Getting through this without the comfort of another relationship will surely build your resiliency.

Do Not Repress, Instead Assess

woman hiding her face with her hands in bed surrounded by printed pictures

Ian Dooley / Unsplash

Ian Dooley / Unsplash

​The breakup is a cathartic experience where you can step back and view things more clearly than you did when you were in the relationship. Do you know why people stay stuck in toxic relationship patterns and then blame it on a curse that keeps on attracting bad guys? It’s because the easiest way to deal with a brutal breakup is to repress it.

Rather than deal with the pain it’s causing, people are drawn to the quickest fix mentality and just want to put it behind them. To build resiliency, after each breakup, you need to actually work back in time and assess where the relationship went wrong, acknowledging both their part and yours so that you can learn how not to repeat the same mistakes.

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Build Yourself Up From Scratch

woman looking in the mirror

Ivan Lapyrin / Unsplash

Ivan Lapyrin / Unsplash

You may feel lost after a breakup that follows a long-term relationship. It’s like you forgot how to even be a person because you fell into the comfort of a two-person routine for so long. Maybe you even forgot your preferred lifestyle because you were just living according to someone else’s dictated one for so long.

The only way to build a new routine is to build a new self. Try new things and find out what it is that you like, and not because someone else does. You’ll find that this breakup changed you, so you may not necessarily find yourself in the same spot you were before you entered the relationship.

Release The Victim Mentality

woman holding a blanket up to her while looking down

Caroline Hernandez/ Unsplash

Caroline Hernandez/ Unsplash

Yes, bad things happen to good people. The quicker we can accept that, the faster we can move on from it. We can sit there and dwell, immersing ourselves in other people’s pity, including the pity we feel for ourselves. Or we can take accountability for our reactions to someone’s else toxic actions.

No matter how brutal the breakup, and how badly someone goes out of their way to hurt you, you won’t be able to control them, but you’re in full charge of what you do about it.

Treat Yourself And Indulge

woman eating ice cream by a truck with eyes closed and smiling

Josh Pereira / Unsplash

Josh Pereira / Unsplash

​You’re single now and in that there’s so much freedom. The breakup may linger and the scars may never fully heal, but at least you’re completely free. You don’t need to take into account someone else’s schedule or finances because it is all completely up to you. So what are you waiting for?

Go indulge for a little bit. Allow yourself a treat to celebrate all the experiences you have been through, all the resiliency that you’ve built, and the ways that you take trials and errors and turn them into growth.

Love Is More Than Kisses And Butterflies

woman holding dying rose up to her chest

Giulia Bertelli / Unsplash

Giulia Bertelli / Unsplash

In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?

Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it’s much more than that. If you want to know more about what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on your date of birth here.

Higher Perspectives Author

Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives