It takes a lot of good character to put dignity aside and prioritize apologies. Taking accountability and recognizing when we’re in the wrong reflects our level of growth, capacity for empathy and willingness to learn from our mistakes. However, a good apology is not only sincere but genuinely needed. There are times when men are expected to apologize for things that shouldn’t require an apology in the first place. It’s important to recognize these instances as to create a world where communication, understanding and haromy exist within us all.
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Needing Some Alone Time
When a man needs to close himself off from the world for a minute, just to find his balance and center himself back within his world, we should allow him to. We shouldn’t reprimand him for not texting back right away and consider it a lack of communication because in reality, we all need to be alone sometimes.
We all need time to focus on our own needs and re-energize in order to have good energy to put back into the world. Don’t take it personally and don’t deny him this right.
Saying No To Put Themselves First
While the concept of saying no has been largely associated with women, and the reasons for that are valid, it’s important for everyone to be able to set their boundaries with the word “no.” Being a man doesn’t mean being able to show strength and “manliness” at all times. There will be times when a man wants to say no even at the risk of upsetting someone because just like everyone else, they deserve to put themselves first sometimes.
As long as their intentions are pure, and not meant to harm anyone, their “no” should be given respect and value as it is a reflection of their recognition of their capacity. We all have limits.
It’s okay for men to cry and be vulnerable. When they feel comfortable expressing their emotion and show trust in doing so, they shouldn’t need to apologize for it. Showing emotion allows for men to release and let go of them.
The more they try to “man up” and hold onto their feelings in fear of appearing weak, the more those feelings bottle up and resurface in unhealthy ways later on. There will be times when life will be hard to cope with but sometimes being overly emotional will clear the space to move forward.
Our love languages don’t only depend on the person but sometimes also on the time and place. Even those whose love language is physical touch sometimes would rather hear words of affirmation. When a man withdraws attention it just means that at that moment his needs have shifted, and that’s okay.
Despite wanting those around them to be happy, no one can be “on” all the time as it would be draining. As long as withdrawing attention isn’t continuous, it’s okay to prefer to take it easy sometimes.
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Not Being Ready For Commitment
Here is the difference in needing to apologize in this context. A man who from the get-go is honest about his intentions and the possibility to not being in a place to be able to provide commitment shouldn’t apologize for being in-tune with his capacity to give and receive at that time. A man who genuinely tries to give commitment and then realizes that it doesn’t feel right and expresses that shouldn’t apologize for their feelings and honesty.
This is different from a man who simply leads someone on for the sake of filling a void or being lost.
Refusing To Mold To Expectations
A man should be able to carve their own path and commit to their own growth. No matter the number of their flaws, they shouldn’t feel pressure to change simply to fit someone else’s ideal. The expectations need to be first set within themselves as this is the only way they’ll genuinely make positive changes.
They shouldn’t apologize for who they are, or rather who they have yet to become. We’re all on our own path on our own divine timing.
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Speaking The Truth
A man should not be scolded for being honest. While white lies tend to be accepted such as telling a woman she looks good in an outfit just to please her, normalizing lies no matter the extent only pushes the boundaries of how big they gradually get.
Honesty, no matter how hard it is to hear should be celebrated and continuously given. Honesty is a sign of respect and that’s not something to apologize for.
How To Tell The Difference
So how can we really tell when an apology is needed and we’re entitled to the feelings and thoughts that shouldn’t require an apology? Well, there’s no right answer to this, unfortunately. It all comes to the “how” not the “what”. It’s not the feelings that are wrong, but how they’re delivered. There are going to be needs on both ends of the relationship so it might come down to compromise and recognizing when an apology or at least an explanation might be worth it anyway.
In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them? This is how you’ll be to tell the difference
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Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives