The Aftermath Of Breaking Up With A Woman Who Has Anxiety

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With or without anxiety, relationships are never easy. Having to always account for another person’s feelings while making ourselves vulnerable to the possibility of being hurt by them is enough to stress anyone out.

However, women who have anxiety struggle even more when it comes to relationships and breakups. All the pain and stress that the average person feels is even more amplified for them. Women with anxiety have already thought about a hundred reasons why their relationship might fail, so when it actually does, the aftermath can be devasting.

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Anxiety Disorders Can Affect Anyone

Having an actual anxiety disorder is on the rise and is actually the most common mental health disorder in the United States. While it affects more than 18% of the population, only about a third receive treatment. Women everywhere are learning to just live with it. But when they experience a breakup, it can trigger it on an amplified level.

woman resting her hands on her heart  while sitting against her bed
Joice kelly / Unsplash
Joice kelly / Unsplash

Two of the common consequences of anxiety from a breakup are social isolation and panic attacks. While it’s okay to take a day to be sad, separating yourself from the world will only cause you to fall down further into a spiral.

Insecurities Are Affirmed

Before a woman with anxiety even gets into a relationship, she has picked apart all the reasons why it might not work out and almost talked herself out of it. It takes a lot for her to go against her fears and insecurities to give herself to a partner. So when that same person leaves her, they affirm the seeds of doubts she already had planted.

woman putting her hands through her hair looking concerned in blurry photo
Uday Mittal / Unsplash
Uday Mittal / Unsplash

The anxiety will fill her up with negative self-talk that fuels her insecurities about herself, love, and relationships. The breakup feels like an abandonment for her after all the work she invested in letting her guard down.

Physical Pain And Sickness

A breakup with a woman who has an anxiety disorder isn’t just a breakup they deal with. Not only do they have to fight through the pain of letting a loved one go and moving on but they have to cope with the physical reaction of coping with that kind of grief.

blurry photo of woman moving from side to side
Christopher Ott / Unsplash
Christopher Ott / Unsplash

Anxiety directly affects the nervous system. The breakup triggers the “flight or fight” response that sends hormones rushing through the body to increase heart rate, and wake up the muscles. This kind of emotional stress can also cause the left ventricle of the heart to be “stunned” which simulates heart attack-like symptoms such as strong chest, pains, shortness of breath, dizziness, loss of consciousness, nausea, and vomiting.

Desperate Search For Closure

The anxiety drives the woman into an endless search for answers. She is trying to make sense of the breakup so she can get past it which looks more like a series of sleepless nights, mornings crying, talking to anyone who will listen, and replaying every single detail.

woman rocking on the floor while scratching her hair
Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

The more she overthinks the more she feels hopeful that somewhere in the play-by-play of her memories she can find exactly the point where it all went wrong, desperately thinking that understanding it will give her the clarity that helps her fix the situation. Instead, she simply fixates.

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Taking On The Blame

It is easier for a woman with anxiety to internalize the blame than to accept the breakup for what it is. Due to the survival instincts that go along with the flight or fight response of a breakup, there is a desperate need to want to “fix.” It’s easier to think that we can fix ourselves than others but this is simply a way to gain control when it feels like we’re losing it.

woman looking at her reflection in window
Alexei Maridashvili / Unsplash
Alexei Maridashvili / Unsplash

Women with anxiety will tear themselves up coming up with all the mistakes they could have made along the way until they convince themselves that perhaps they are unlovable or that it is actually their anxiety that makes them too broken for a relationship. They can’t help but wonder what they could have done differently if anxiety wasn’t in the way.

A Break Of Self

The problem with breakups for women with anxiety is that it is so internalized that it becomes a break of their self as well. It destroys them from the inside out. They start to doubt their whole reality because it feels so overwhelming and they struggle to find the right ways to cope with it.

woman holding mirror to her face reflecting her upwards
Charles Etoroma / Unsplash
Charles Etoroma / Unsplash

Their self-confidence takes a hit and they start to believe that they might be incapable of being loved despite having so much love to give and not knowing what to do with it. It takes an emotional toll on the woman.

All Hope In Love Is Lost

The breakup quickly becomes not just about the loss of one individual but the fear of never finding another. The anxiety can trick the mind into thinking that since this one didn’t work out, no other ever will.

woman playing with her hair looking down in sadness
Molnar Balint / Unsplash
Molnar Balint / Unsplash

However, the key to getting past these negative thoughts is to remember not only the good part of the relationships that you long for but the bad parts too that show that it wasn’t meant to last. It’s easy to self-blame when looking at the relationship through rose-colored glasses instead of seeing why it wasn’t good for you. The latter should give you hope that something better is out there waiting for you!

Don’t Sugar Coat It

If you’re the one breaking up with a woman with anxiety remember that by sugarcoating it you’re only making things worse. The more honest you are, the easier it will be for her to understand the “why” and move on. The vaguer you are the more she will come up with her own conclusions and tear herself apart over it.

woman leaning against wood while crying
Tina Markova / Unsplash
Tina Markova / Unsplash

Just because she has anxiety doesn’t mean she is any less deserving of the truth or incapable of handling it. It might be an uncomfortable conversation but she deserves an explanation.

Living Well Is The Best Revenge

If you’re going through a breakup, remember that despite your anxiety you’re in control. Thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings. They aren’t representative of the truth or in control of your circumstances. Learn from your past relationships to identify what you need or want. Then use the time until you find a relationship that fits those needs to better yourself and find happiness on your own.

woman closing eyes and looking up in hope
Brooke Cagle / Unsplash
Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

The more you live for yourself the more naturally things will fall into place and we promise you that over time, you’ll feel whole again. The happier you are on your own the less you’ll care about revenge and the more your ex will seem like a distant memory.

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