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The Five Apology Languages: When "I'm Sorry" Doesn't Cut It

Maybe you've heard of the love languages, the way we most need to receive love, but did you know that we each also have our own apology language? The way that you give and receive "I'm sorry" can make all the difference in whether you truly get past an argument or if you hold resentment until you explode. We each require to hear something different to move on, and sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it.

This language system was researched and developed by the same creator of the love languages Gary Chapman, with help from psychologist Jennifer Thomas. Here's what they found out.

Expressing Regret

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The first apology language may seem like the most simple one, it's just saying the words "I'm sorry" Yet, this is still difficult for some of us to do when we have to swallow our pride. We then allow the guilt to set in by admitting that we're in the wrong.

The authors do suggest giving the apology some more value by also listing out our recognition of the hurtful effects of our actions. That way our words seem sincere and our "sorry" isn't just a sorry that we got caught.

Accepting Responsibility

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An apology is basically canceled if it's given alongside a bunch of excuses. A sincere apology doesn't justify our hurtful actions. Maybe there actually was a very good reason behind why we behaved the way we did, but in the moment, the circumstances don't matter for this language.

This apology language needs accountability to be taken. Even if you're not exactly sorry for what you did, at least say sorry for the way it made the other person feel.

Genuinely Repent

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By the author's definition to repent is "to turn around" or "to change one's mind." Those with this apology language need some kind of validation that it's truly sincere. To do that, they need assurance that it won't happen again.

While it may be impossible to predict the future, you can both make a plan together to ensure success. For example decide before conflict whether one of you should walk away and come back when they've calmed down, or whether you want to write letters to each other when you're angry to let out your thoughts concisely. Whatever the method, it provides some sort of guarantee of effort towards repentance.

Making Restitution

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Think of this apology language this way: when a kid steals another's kid toy, what do we tell them to do? Not only do we encourage the kid to apologize, but also to return the stolen toy. The same goes for wrongful actions or words. Rather than apologize with no action, those with this apology language need to see change.

You can take them out to dinner, or clean up the dishes that night, just to show them that you will physically try to do better.

Requesting Forgiveness

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​This one is one of the hardest to give for some of us. To ask someone to free us of guilt can set both of us free, but asking for forgiveness is a huge risk. It requires a lot of vulnerability as this puts us in a position where we have to give up all of our power and give it to the person we're apologizing to.

They might reject it, and they might even end the relationship. But, when this is their apology language saying the magic words "will you forgive me?" might be the secret to healing and moving forward.


The Four Facial Traits That Make The Most Attractive People

Researchers keep on trying to unlock the million-dollar question: what makes a person the most beautiful? The media keeps on changing the women they show as most beautiful and we keep on changing our appearance and fashion in an attempt to keep up. But the question is, do we actually ever actually "feel" beautiful?"

Does it truly come down to a science, where certain traits deem a person most attractive or is beauty relative like they say? Let's find out!

The More Symmetry The Better

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​Many experimental studies have shown that men and women both prefer faces that are more symmetrical. They even came up with ratios and masks that can measure the level of symmetry in a face, and by extension its beauty. Even monkeys have been noticed gazing longer at symmetrical faces.

But why? Well, science doesn't seem to have gotten that far. It could have something to do with evolution and our brains tricking themselves into thinking that a symmetrical face must be a sign of good health. Maybe we associate good genes with the more successful development of a facial structure.

Having "Babyface" Features

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​The idea of the fountain of youth didn't come out of anywhere. There is a belief that people are at their most beautiful in the prime of their youth, where they've grown enough to have adult features, but haven't experienced enough to lose their innocence and be affected by the environment.

From this idea, came the "baby face", where large eyes, long lashes, a cute little nose, a small chin, plump lips, and rosy cheeks are desirable. These traits can either describe a baby or a supermodel but the idea is that they reflect feelings of warmth, trust and won't argue back.

The More Average, The More Relatable

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People are actually attracted to faces that appear distinctly average. Yes, the more you look like the general population, the more attractive you can come off, which just seems ironic.

The reason some studies made this conclusion, is that teh more average a face is, the more they likely are to be a blend of genes A study, published in the journal Human Nature said that average faces might be a reflection of a more diverse set of genes, which we might subconsciously consider as stronger in fighting off illnesses.

Something About Getting Older

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Maybe women seem more attractive with baby faces but forget about youth when it comes to women's attraction to men. Women might actually end up being more attracted to men who look older according to a study.

This idea is still evolving and has something to do with women finally having a place in the workforce. The more financially independent they become, the more they like older guys, according to the study. They even named this the "George Clooney Effect" which showed women that the more patient they are, the better their chances at finding a man has more status and resources due to being older.

For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

Familiar Faces Per Genetics

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Ask yourself how you feel when you meet someone who looks like someone else you love? You probably automatically take a liking to them just because they seem familiar, even if you've truly never met them before. You might even just trust them right away. In the same way, the more familiar a person might feel, the more we could be attracted to them.

Another study found that the faces we are attracted to are heavily influenced by our personal experiences in life, and probably nothing more. This theory says it's not because of genetics as even twins couldn't agree on who they found attractive. It just depends on who you meet and look at throughout your life and the experiences you associate with them.

Basically You Can't Win

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Well, it turns out, even when you try to with science, you really can't define beauty. Some people are attracted to babyfaces, while some can't help but be drawn to older ones. Some people's brains attach symmetry with good health while others just want an average-looking face to continue their genes. So the message is, beauty is relative after all. I am beautiful and you are beautiful and everyone will be most attractive to someone.

Rather than focus on looks, focus on the person on the inside. You're here for a reason. This is your sign to get to know yourself better and unleash your potential.

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