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The Five Apology Languages: When "I'm Sorry" Doesn't Cut It

Maybe you've heard of the love languages, the way we most need to receive love, but did you know that we each also have our own apology language? The way that you give and receive "I'm sorry" can make all the difference in whether you truly get past an argument or if you hold resentment until you explode. We each require to hear something different to move on, and sometimes "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it.

This language system was researched and developed by the same creator of the love languages Gary Chapman, with help from psychologist Jennifer Thomas. Here's what they found out.

Expressing Regret

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The first apology language may seem like the most simple one, it's just saying the words "I'm sorry" Yet, this is still difficult for some of us to do when we have to swallow our pride. We then allow the guilt to set in by admitting that we're in the wrong.

The authors do suggest giving the apology some more value by also listing out our recognition of the hurtful effects of our actions. That way our words seem sincere and our "sorry" isn't just a sorry that we got caught.

Accepting Responsibility

woman stands with her hands on her hips while looking away from man apologizing

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An apology is basically canceled if it's given alongside a bunch of excuses. A sincere apology doesn't justify our hurtful actions. Maybe there actually was a very good reason behind why we behaved the way we did, but in the moment, the circumstances don't matter for this language.

This apology language needs accountability to be taken. Even if you're not exactly sorry for what you did, at least say sorry for the way it made the other person feel.

Genuinely Repent

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By the author's definition to repent is "to turn around" or "to change one's mind." Those with this apology language need some kind of validation that it's truly sincere. To do that, they need assurance that it won't happen again.

While it may be impossible to predict the future, you can both make a plan together to ensure success. For example decide before conflict whether one of you should walk away and come back when they've calmed down, or whether you want to write letters to each other when you're angry to let out your thoughts concisely. Whatever the method, it provides some sort of guarantee of effort towards repentance.

Making Restitution

man and woman sit at table with wine talking

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Think of this apology language this way: when a kid steals another's kid toy, what do we tell them to do? Not only do we encourage the kid to apologize, but also to return the stolen toy. The same goes for wrongful actions or words. Rather than apologize with no action, those with this apology language need to see change.

You can take them out to dinner, or clean up the dishes that night, just to show them that you will physically try to do better.

Requesting Forgiveness

man and woman stand in front of window holding hands

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​This one is one of the hardest to give for some of us. To ask someone to free us of guilt can set both of us free, but asking for forgiveness is a huge risk. It requires a lot of vulnerability as this puts us in a position where we have to give up all of our power and give it to the person we're apologizing to.

They might reject it, and they might even end the relationship. But, when this is their apology language saying the magic words "will you forgive me?" might be the secret to healing and moving forward.

Uplifting

Homeless Man Found Long-Lost Sister After 20 Years, But That Wasn't Even The Miracle

You know what the best part of hardships is? It's the light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how dim, or even nonexistent it may seem for a while, it's always there, waiting for you at your destination.

Logan's story didn't see the light for a whole 20 years, which for the young man was a whole lifetime. Yet, he didn't let life's hardest tests get him down and he always held on to the hope of finding that light, till one day he did. He thought reuniting with his lost sister would be the light he was looking for this whole time. Except his sister was already living with her own family at that point...

To find the light at the end of your tunnel, you need to understand your purpose and your potential so that you can take control of your emotions, your life, and your future. Take a quick zodiac reading here to find out what your universe has to say about you right now.

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Life Was Hard From The Very Beginning

Hunt as a young kid smiling while sitting in dining room chair

USA Today / Youtube

Logan's hardships started from the day he was born. For whatever reason, his parents didn't feel fit to raise him, so he was put up for adoption when he was just a toddler. Not all kids get lucky and get adopted when they get put in the system.

Unfortunately for Logan, no family wanted to keep him and he was sent from one foster home to the next until he reached the age of 18. Considered an adult, he aged out of the system and had no choice but to become homeless. All he had ever wanted was a family but instead, he grew up his whole life feeling alone.

A Social Worker Who Cared

files drawer with hundred of files from vabinet

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Fortunately, all it takes to make a difference in someone's life is finding one person who cares. For Logan, it was his social worker. Once his 11 years in the foster care system were up, Logan's caseworker was determined to find him a good place to live. So far, all his living arrangements had been temporary, and he had never had a place to call home. For a time, Logan even lived in his car.

Looking carefully through his files, they discovered that Logan actually had a biological sister named Shyann who was already living with a good family. The caseworker hoped and prayed that the family would also take an interest in Logan, so she called up Shyan's adoptive mother.

Logan Was Deemed To Be "Toxic"

Logan and his sister hug when reunited

USA Today / Youtube

The caseworker was hoping Robert and Ara Hunt, Shyanna's parents would welcome Logan but that wasn't the case. The family already had 3 adopted children and they were afraid that Logan would disrupt the dynamic that they had created for their family.

Logan's sister was 12 years old at the time and the family was afraid that her biological homeless brother, who was living in a car, would be toxic to their family. In an interview, tey explained: : “We wanted nothing to do with him. We didn’t know anything about him. We were afraid.”

A Television Segment That Reflected The Truth

Logan sitting in interview chair

USA Today / Youtube

You wouldn't think that television is where you'd find the truth and have your whole perspective changed but that was the case for Logan.

The Hunt family saw a local television segment about Logan's journey out of foster cre and it completely changed their mind on the young man. That piece changed the father Robert Hunt’s mind about the 18-year-old. The father said in an interview: “I was just knocked down. I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I saw the good character in him."

If you're looking for a sign on whether you need a change then you're here for a reason This is your sign. Take a quick zodiac reading here to find out how you can take control of your career path

From Tragedy To Blessings

car crashed from he side with the plate hanging off

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Up until then, Logan had known nothing but rejection. He told USA Today how the constant rejection that his life made him feel “empty” and “alone," and he felt as though he had “nothing to look forward to.”

Right when Logan thought his life couldn't get worse, he got into a car accident. Yet, he had no idea that this tragedy would turn into a blessing too. Ara went to go visit him in the hospital, and she ended up bringing him home with her. He had no idea another miracle would be waiting for him at her home.

Happily More After

People Magazine

Logan went back to meet his sister and her newfound family thinking the reunion itself would be his miracle while he recovered from the accident. He believed his stay with the family would be temporary just like all his past ones.

As he bonded with the family, Logan fit right in. It didn't take long before the Hunt family performed a second miracle and decided to start the process of adopting Logan! It was finally Logan's chance to reach the light of the end of the tunnel and become part of a family just like he always wanted.

New Beginnings

Logan's life at almost 20 years old was just starting. After 13 years of temporary living arrangements, he finally found his forever home. It turns out that hope and patience were all he needed and the universe had a plan for him all along.

These kinds of stories can happen to anyone. You might think you're never going to catch a break, but there's a light waiting for you too. Are you still searching for your life purpose? You won't believe what the science of Numerology can reveal about you

The numerology of your birth date, regardless of what month you were born, can reveal surprising information about your personality and that's. a good place to start.

Unlock the messages hidden in your Personality Code now with your free personalized video report. Click HERE to learn what Numerology says about your life using only your Name and Birth Date.