The Psychological Trick To Really Tell How A Couple Feels About Each Other

This article may contain affiliate links, learn more.

We tend to romanticize the whole idea of love. We build an ideal of what it should be like based on movies, stories, and personas of other couples on social media. This pushes us to one of two extremes: either to justify bad behavior or to set unattainable standards. Cue in trust issues, commitment issues, and shaky relationships. It’s hard to tell anymore how we really feel about our partners.

We describe our partner in the highest regard to maintain a positive image. We might even build up our partners to ourselves to convince ourselves to stay in the relationship.

So how do we really tell how a couple feels about one another? A study has found a way to tell what the truth is.

Do you want to learn a secret technique anyone can master that will make someone fall in love with you?

Couples Describe Their Partners Better Than Themselves

According to Psychology Today, both heterosexual and homosexual couples tend to describe their partners more favorably than their partners describe themselves. That means that we tend to romanticize the person we love, overlooking their flaws, but struggle to do the same for ourselves.

woman holds man's face as they lay in bed
Pixabay / Pexels
Pixabay / Pexels

We’re stuck between believing in an ideal and perceiving reality. This makes it harder for researchers to read between the lines to understand how couples actually feel toward one another.

Words Vs Actions

To be able to distinguish the truth of how a couple really feels about one another, the researchers studied the difference between what we say about our partner automatically and compared it to our attitude or behavior towards our partner. Noticing what we say we like about our partner versus how we actually act towards them helped the researchers understand our “spontaneous affective reactions” or gut reactions.

Vjapratama / Pexels
Vjapratama / Pexels

They realized that our gut reactions happen automatically before our brain has the time to justify or change our thoughts to what we have convinced ourselves we “should” feel.

The Study

To quantify their observations and create a reliable study, the researchers read these reactions by having couples complete a computerized reaction-time task. They were observing how quickly couples determined their feelings for one another.

Cottonbro Studio / Pexels
Cottonbro Studio / Pexels

The couples seemed to have automatic reactions that included positive verbal statements about each. Yet, the researchers noted something strange…The positive verbal statements didn’t align with the implicit attitudes or gut reactions.

Non Verbal Clues

The researchers realized something important…it’s not what we say about our partner that is the truth. The truth lies in nonverbal cues, as those are based on our true “gut reactions. If you want to know how your partner truly feels about you, you shouldn’t ask them as they might just say what they think they’re supposed to say, subconsciously.

Dmitriy Ganin / Pexels
Dmitriy Ganin / Pexels

Instead, look for nonverbal behaviors like eye contact, smiles, and tone of voice. These implicit attitudes are what the researchers used to understand how a couple currently feels about each other. Not only that, but these signs could also help dertemine how satisfied both parties will be over four years.

It’s All About Attitude

Haven’t you heard the famous saying: “actions speak louder than words?” That statement holds the entire truth of how a couple feels about one another. Researchers are using “implicit attitudes” as a metric to find out whether couples’ relationships are healthy and have secure attachment styles.

Katerina Holmes / Pexels
Katerina Holmes / Pexels

The research concluded that, on the flip side as well, the more positive our implicit attitude is toward our partner, the more likely we are to be detrimentally impacted by a breakup. That’s because it reflects how we truly feel about them, completely attached, so when we lose them, we’re devasted.

What To Look For

Basically, if you’re trying to narrow down how two people feel about each other or even how your partner feels about you, observe their behaviors. Listen to their tone of voice in how they speak with you, watch them interact with you, note the terms of their language, and feel their body language. You’ll know without ever having to ask.

Jonathan Borba / Pexes
Jonathan Borba / Pexes

The same goes for you. If you’re confused about how you feel about someone, let your body do the talking and listen to it. Tune into your body and note how it feels when you hear their name, how much you desire their touch, and how much patience you have for them…all those are signs that will tell you what you need to know.

Relationships Are Effort

In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?

Edward Eyer / Pexels
Edward Eyer / Pexels

Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it’s much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.

For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

Aria Misty

Aria Misty is a recent university grad. She did her undergrad in media, information & technoculture with a Master in Journalism & Communications in 2018.

Aria has a particular interest in all things astrology and spirituality. This is driven by her desire to create healing. In fact, Aria went back to school for A master’s in counseling p[…]