A relationship doesn't fail overnight, nor is a woman's self-esteem shattered in one instance. These are usually the products of gradual actions. A man may not have the intention of making a woman feel unwanted and maybe even actually be super attracted to her. Yet not being aware of how their actions make her feel can be detrimental.
Men, this isn't meant to make you feel like a bad person, but it's to help you be more careful of the impact of your actions on the woman you love. Women, this is to validate how you feel if you have experienced these actions. These actions are sometimes bad habits that can be corrected. But, ignoring them for too long can have long-term effects both on the woman and the relationship.
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Feeling Wanted Is A Psychological Need
According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, the need for love is one of our core psychological needs. Human beings long to be loved, cared for, and desired. After the bond between a parent and child, the second most vulnerable attachment is between romantic partners.
When that relationship makes you feel unwanted, it can really take a hit to your self-esteem and become isolating. Psychologists say that there are many reasons why you might feel unloved; some might be due to your childhood attachment issues but worsened by your partners' actions. Your values might clash, or they might be neglecting your emotional needs.
Whatever the reason, feeling undesired in a relationship could be linked to stress, insecurities, and trauma.
Whether your love language is physical touch or not, it's a necessary foundation for any intimate relationship. When your partner doesn't initiate hugs, kisses, or cuddles, it becomes hard to feel their love for you. You might start to wonder if it's because you're undesirable.
Physical touch is essential to maintain a long-term relationship because it releases oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. Once the butterflies of new relationships fade, oxytocin is what allows two people to bond and continue to feel close to one another. When they stop realizing this bonding hormone because one person withholds it, the other will feel affected by its lack.
Constantly Compairing Her With Another Woman
While there's nothing wrong with praising other women's success in front of your partner, it should never be to the level of comparing them. A woman feeling diminished because her partner keeps comparing her beauty, traits, or achievements to someone she feels she can't measure up to isn't a sign of jealousy but a natural reaction. A woman should feel like she is enough, and a supportive partner would celebrate her wins.
Studies have shown the negative effects of both types of comparisons, whether negative or positive. They found that downward comparisons can lead to sadness or worry, and upward comparisons can lead to feelings of rejection.
Pointing Out Her Insecurities
Using a woman's insecurity to make her feel worse is manipulative and even a symptom of narcissism. No one is perfect, and a woman who knows her flaws and is self-aware doesn't need you to point them out as well.
There is a difference between wanting to push her towards growth and encourage her on her journey and criticizing her for not looking or thinking a certain way. We're not in charge of anyone else's growth or healing but our own. This includes subtle comments about veering off her diet, looking bloated in her dress, not working hard enough for her promotion. Even with the best intentions, these comments can be harmful.
Looking Down At Their Phone While She Talks
We tend to be constantly overstimulated, which makes it hard to ever give our undivided attention to any one thing or person at once. However, for the success of a relationship, it's a must. A woman needs to feel like her voice matters and that what she has to say is heard, acknowledged, and respected.
To look down at your phone and be distracted even when she's only trying to tell you about her day is dismissive. Over time it can make her feel like she doesn't matter and hurt communication. Studies have found that making eye contact helps both people focus on the conversation and read facial expressions. This improves understanding and significantly improves communication between them.
Forgetting To Compliment her
Who doesn't love a good compliment? When you've been together a long time, you can get comfortable and to stop appreciating the small things like the effort she puts into wearing a nice dress on date night. Assuming that she should know how beautiful or the kind you think she is isn't enough.
You should remind her, tell her and show her every once in a while. It's those small gestures that have big impacts on the relationship over time.
Never Having The Time
If he's always busy at work or with the boys, or there is always something more important, she is never going to feel like a priority. She will feel like she is only loved when it's convenient and not worthy of being put first.
A study found that people who spent quality time with their partner at least once a week were 3.5 times more likely to report being "very happy" in their relationship than those who didn’t. Quality time can strengthen your relationship in several ways such as through commitment and communication.
The Dangers Of Making Her Feel Unwanted
Feeling unwanted in a relationship is isolating and can trigger feelings of jealousy, depression, and anxiety. These strong emotions will only alienate her even more and cause a disconnect in the relationship. Over time, they can start altering her perspective of herself and the world and make her afraid of intimacy altogether. It can be hard for her to love or trust herself and others as well as accept love following the relationship.
If any of this describes you, stop and ask yourself how your relationship has impacted you. If you're feeling unloved, consider your partner's patterns or behaviors. Talk to them about it. You can give them a chance to change how they make you feel, but if they don't, you may have to walk away.
How To Know The Difference
In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
Love is more than just kisses and butterflies; it's much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on your date of birth.
We don't blame you for being frustrated with dating and wanting to stick with what's comfortable but if you're struggling to find and keep a quality man click here to find out how to break the cycle.
For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.