The Underlying Reason Couples Have The Same Arguments Again And Again

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There is no such thing as a perfect relationship without ever encountering arguments. In fact, arguments can be beneficial as they can help couples express their needs and look for solutions. However, arguments can become toxic for multiple reasons but especially if the same argument keeps taking place over and over again.

No matter how much the couple loves each other, this gets them stuck in a loop and becomes draining. They can grow to resent each other over time if they find no way out of the ongoing circle. It happens- but the question is, why does it happen? The answer to that question answers whether the loop could be broken before it comes back full circle.

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There Is A Deeper Issue That Must Be Addressed

There are many reasons why an argument happens, but almost nine times out of 10 for recurring arguments, it’s not about what is actually being fought about. What happens when an argument goes by unsolved and reoccurs is that it increases frustration on both ends. The energy is drained out more every time it happens. At the same time, irritability and resentment increase because of the frustration of not knowing how to move forward.

Jonathan Borba/ Pexels
Jonathan Borba/ Pexels

What happens in those cases is that every small thing becomes a big deal. You start arguing about what color the sky is outside. This is all signaling an underlying issue that has not been worked through.

Facing It Will Restrcuture Expectations

If that can be resolved, then it will have a domino effect on all the conflicts that have surfaced from it. The question is: what is the underlying reason? What’s interesting about the underlying issue is that you’ll find the pattern repeated not only from argument to argument but even in relationship after relationship.

Eugene Lisyuk / Pexels
Eugene Lisyuk / Pexels

The underlying reason is usually not found within your relationship, but it explains why you keep attracting the wrong person over and over again. It actually has nothing to do with them but everything to do with who they bring out of you.

The Underlying Reason Is…

Are you ready to hear the real underlying reason you keep having the same argument over and over again? It’s because there is no real revolution taking place. In other words, you haven’t grown out of your triggers and are stuck without closure, still trying to replay your same deep fears over and over without understanding what result you want out of it.

woman-holding-disposable-lighter surrounded by others holding lighters
Oleg_bf Oleg Borisov / Pexels
Oleg_bf Oleg Borisov / Pexels

The two most influential relationships in your life are the ones with your parents and the ones with your intimate partner. What happens to those of us that have unresolved issues in our family dynamics, especially ones we developed as children, is that we try to solve them through our partners.

We end up choosing partners that literally embody the issues we haven’t yet worked through. That’s why we attract emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, or angry partners. If we don’t work through the underlying pattern, to at least become aware of it, we’ll keep projecting it onto our relationships.

Might Be Time To Admit The Harsh Truth

No matter how in love you are, if you keep having the same arguments, again and again, it might be time to admit that you simply aren’t right for one another. They might just be triggering feelings that are familiar to you so they feel comfortable.

close up of woman with tears
Louis Galvez / Unsplash
Louis Galvez / Unsplash

In reality, they’re just reinforcing the very insecurities you have. You have to let them go to give yourself the space to work through these issues and attract the right person.

Who Are You Fighting For?

Ask yourself what the real reason is that you’re staying together. Is it because you’re afraid of being alone or because you truly believe they’re the best match for you? Remember that love alone is not enough. It’s merely a foundation.

Alex Green / Pexels
Alex Green / Pexels

You might realize that you’re both fighting for your ego, not for resolution. You don’t like the idea of giving up or being alone because that somehow might validate your fears. Your subconscious mind might convince you that if you can’t fix the relationship you’ll forever be “stuck” with these same issues.

Instead, fight for yourself, and take them out of the equation. Fight to work through the underlying reason.

How To Tell The Difference

In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?

woman hugs man with eyes closed and smiling
Natalie Runnerstrom / Unsplash
Natalie Runnerstrom / Unsplash

Love is more than just kisses and butterflies. It’s much more than that. If you want to know more about what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on your date of birth.

We don’t blame you for being frustrated with dating and wanting to stick with what’s comfortable, but if you’re struggling to find and keep a quality relationship, click here to find out how to break the cycle.

For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.

Aria Misty

Aria Misty is a recent university grad. She did her undergrad in media, information & technoculture with a Master in Journalism & Communications in 2018.

Aria has a particular interest in all things astrology and spirituality. This is driven by her desire to create healing. In fact, Aria went back to school for A master’s in counseling p[…]