The Unique Traits Of The Woman Who Doesn’t Seek Validation

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While women have made strides in their progression in society, being a woman, even in today’s day in age still comes at a price. Women are often still considered too emotional for leadership roles. Have you ever heard of a man being told he was too emotional to be the boss? Women are still measured in relation to the men around them, which can be demining.

Women sometimes feel like they have to seek validation to make sure that they’re doing a good job. Maybe in a way, all human beings are hardwired to want the approval of those around them, but women are taught to seek it. Luckily, not all women. Some women have unlearned the need to seek approval from others actively, and have given approval to themselves instead. These are the traits that separate them.

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Rooted In History

Women have historically learned to seek validation from society. It wasn’t even an entire century ago that women’s lives revolved around men. They spent their days in the home, taking re of the children, cleaning, and cooking in anticipation of their hardworking husbands coming home. Their worth was diminished if they weren’t married. This set the foundation of a gender-based hierarchy.

profile of Older woman in hijab
Meenakshi Vinay Rai / Pexels
Meenakshi Vinay Rai / Pexels

Fast forward, and movements fought for women’s rights to work, vote, and be thier own person. While the goal was equality, it’s a work that’s still in progress. Some of the mentality remained and conditioned women into feeling like they can’t trust in their abilities unless someone else validated them. Women get labeled as “needy” when really we have instilled the need in them to seek everyone’s approval, from friends to partners to parents and coworkers.

So how do some women liberate themselves from that need for validation?

She Is Able To See Through Distractions

Women who don’t need validation are able to see through distractions. They’ve taken the time to think about who they are, and who they want to be as well as clearly map out the steps in between. They’re able to draw important boundaries and say no to anything that threatens their vision.

Bess Hamiti / Pexels
Bess Hamiti / Pexels

Their eye is on the prize and if that means stepping on some toes, getting criticized, taking a risk, or being patient, so be it. They manifest the kind of life they want through action. Each step they take guides the next. If they take one wrong step and make a mistake, they don’t let it set them back because they don’t need validation to know that it’s all part of the process.

She Separates The People In Her Circle

A woman who doesn’t seek validation may have a small trusted circle, but that’s because she only surrounds herself with those who accept who she is. She knows how to read the people who are jealous, fake, condescending or just holding her back. She’s not afraid to say no and gives as much as she takes.

Cottonbro studio / Pexels
Cottonbro studio / Pexels

She doesn’t let her energy be depleted by the people around her because she only chooses those who energize her. She understands the meaning of healthy relationships. She knows that the people worth having would never make her question herself to require validation as they would naturally always be validating her experience.

She Drowns Out The Noise

The woman who doesn’t need validation is also surrounded by noise all the time. Between social media, people’s gossip, unsolicited advice, and society’s expectations, she is constantly bombarded. However, she doesn’t care to listen. She sets her own standard and is only concerned about meeting that one.

Yan Krukov / Pexels
Yan Krukov / Pexels

This woman isn’t afraid to think outside the box and be different. She would rather be excluded, but be true to herself. She’s not defined by the opinions of others as long as she is happy with who she is.

She Does It For Herself First

What she does, she does it for herself. She’s not afraid to be a little selfish if it means taking care of herself so she can be there for others. Her role in life isn’t to make others happy at the expense of her own happiness. She doesn’t blindly follow opinions and what is excepted of her.

woman-holding-fireflies at sunset
Matheus Bertelli / Pexels
Matheus Bertelli / Pexels

She dresses in the way that makes her most confident, talk in the language she best communicates in, writes in the thoughts that make the most sense to her, and follows the lifestyle that makes her happiest. In everything she does, there is passion and the validation of its fulfilling feeling.

She Doesn’t Care About Expectations

There will always be something she’s doing wrong. Maybe she’s not thin enough, or maybe she’s too thin. Maybe she’s not assertive enough, or maybe she’s too bossy. Maybe she’s too shy or too loud. Whatever she does, she knows someone is bound to find something wrong with her based on some societal expectations. However, she knows that they all contradict anyway, so she doesn’t listen to all of them

Maksim Goncharenok / Pexels
Maksim Goncharenok / Pexels

The messages women get about who they should be and what they should look like are constantly changing. But the image of the woman who doesn’t need validation doesn’t change. She is set in who she wants to be by her own standard.

She Doesn’t Apologize

Stop apologizing. Women are conditioned into being emotional nurturers so they feel like it’s their responsibility to take care of everyone around them. They overthink and worry when they feel like they’ve upset someone. They feel guilty when they need to be taken care of instead. This takes away from their validation.

apology paper-with-text-burning
Marsel Hasanllari / Pexels
Marsel Hasanllari / Pexels

A woman who doesn’t need validation knows that apologies are earned. She is only sorry when she truly hurts someone, but she’s not sorry for who she is, her boundaries, and her choices.

She Human But Knows How To Cope

At the end of the day, a woman who doesn’t need validation is simply human. Even she has days where she needs some validation. She feels sadness and anxiety just like anyone else. The difference is that she knows how to cope.

woman-with-closed-eyes-sheds. sparkly tear
Dids / Pexels
Dids / Pexels

She has healthy coping mechanisms in place to remind her that she can take control of these feelings and doesn’t need someone else to do it for her. While she relies on her loved ones from time to time, she takes accountability for her own happiness. She fills her own cup so that there is never a void she needs someone else to fill.

Celebrate How Far You’ve Come

It’s no coincidence that you’ve made it as far as you have. If you’re not at a point of being able to completely rely on yourself for approval, don’t blame yourself. This is rooted in years of conditioning. There’s nothing wrong with needing validation every once in a while and you’re entitled to ask for it. Don’t let it discourage you from celebrating who you are and your impact on the world around you.

Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels
Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels

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Aria Misty

Aria Misty is a recent university grad. She did her undergrad in media, information & technoculture with a Master in Journalism & Communications in 2018.

Aria has a particular interest in all things astrology and spirituality. This is driven by her desire to create healing. In fact, Aria went back to school for A master’s in counseling p[…]