Do we grow up to become our parents? Well, it’s not destiny. We have choices all along the way. While we may be predisposed to adopt similar traits and habits as our parents, we have the power to keep the good, learn from the bad, and separate the rest.
Growing up you likely had at least one moment when your parent was harsh, overreacted or was careless and you thought “when I grow up, I will never speak to my kid this way.” Only as an adult, you catch yourself doing the same thing. So what happened? Well it turns out that you’re still guided by the same voices that once shaped your identity as a child.
The way your parents talked to you, is now your inner voice, so what do they sound like in your head?
An Inner Monologue
As children, we develop the ability to have an internal monologue, also known as “private speech.“ As we develop language skills, we start talking to ourselves to make sense of the world around us, and figure out how to label it. It is during these initial stages of contact with the world that we develop our understanding of the human connection as well.
Our primary years with our parents shape our attachment style, and love languages, determining ahead of time whether we know how to hold healthy relationships with boundaries, independent secure attachment, and equal loving power dynamics.
The words that parents speak to their children will become their inner monologue. They are their inner voice.