3 Important Things You Need To Know If You Have Toxic Parents
While almost everyone on this planet is capable of producing offspring, it’s pretty easy to tell that not everyone should be procreating. Some people just aren’t meant to be parents.
It’s not a bad thing, it’s just not something everyone is cut out for. But, we’re all still here because of our parents, no matter how crappy or awesome they are.
Those of us who grew up in the presence of our parents’ toxic relationship have suffered through their mistakes and poor decisions, but we want to believe that they were trying their best for us. So, we can’t just forsake them indefinitely.
If you have toxic parents and want to keep them in your life, here are a few things to remember:
You’ve survived an incredible journey
From the second your entire life was put into motion at conception, your parents have been shaping and influencing who you will become. Research has found that babies start to absorb language and other information during the last 10 weeks that they are in their mother’s womb.
“Their brains do not wait for birth to start absorbing information. Therefore, the journey of parenting doesn’t start when the child is born. It starts in the womb.
Any external psychological, emotional and physical issues are transferred to a child before opening up his or her eyes into this world,” says Dr. Patricia K. Kuhl of the Bezos Family Foundation.
Your parents have also taught you how to exist and survive in this world, whether it be through perfect example, or their grand failings (illustrations of what not to do).
One of the greatest gifts from your parents is realizing that, despite all of the stress, turmoil, sorrow and adversity you had to endure, you’re still fully capable of becoming anything you want to be, and achieving anything you want to achieve.
You give respect when you receive respect
A mistake that parents seem to make more often than not, is thinking that harsh criticisms and high expectations will somehow transform us into the person they want us to be.
Remember that, while these words and snide remarks may hurt us on the inside, they will never be able to kill you.
They’re the ones who raised you and have supported you thus far, so it’s understandable that they feel they should have some input on how you live your life.
But don’t let them cross the line. Once you’re an adult and fully take care of yourself, you don’t owe anyone anything and you sure as hell don’t owe them any explanations as to why you’re doing what you’re doing with your life.
Respect is something that they need to earn from you, just like you work to earn theirs. If they want a trusting, loving, and respectful relationship, it’s a two-way street.
We mirror each other all the time
You’ve learned a great deal from your parents, whether you recognize it or not. Maybe you share the same passion or talent, maybe you’ve got their intelligence or good looks, or maybe they’ve shown you all the ways not to be a parent.
You’re undoubtedly more aware in certain aspects of your life because of the things they did or did not do.
The drama that sometimes exists between parent and child isn’t something that needs to be present at all times; you have a say in it.
Sometimes it takes having children of your own to fully understand their behaviors and attitudes, but until then, you deserve to be happy; and it starts by forgiving, healing, and loving yourself in ways that they never did.
The best part is that you have them to learn from. You grow and transform into a better person because of them. Show yourself just how capable of love and forgiveness you really are by giving it to your parents.
They’re people, and just like everyone else, they make mistakes.
Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives