What Happens When Two Co-dependent People Get In A Relationship Together

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Co-dependant relationships are one of the ultimate toxic formulas for romantic relationships. It enables one partner while keeping the other one stuck. Although the reasons for keeping the couple dependent on one another is different, it keeps them trapped in the relationship long past its expiration date. These relationships are never balanced and only one person, if either, is actually able to have their needs somewhat fulfilled. It may start off well, but it never ends easily and it only gets worse over time. But just how bad does it get? The following are the worst parts of relationships with two codependant people.

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What Is A Codependant Relationship?

two hands holding each in handcuffs on pick background

Travelerium / Canva Pro

Travelerium / Canva Pro

In romantic relationships, it’s when one partner needs a lot of attention and support, usually because they’re not in a good place and need some inner growth, but they don’t take responsibility for working through that themselves. Instead, they rely on someone else to make them happy and fill that void. They partner themselves up with someone who easily attaches. One person just wants to be needed while the other person takes advantage.

For example, empaths with giving nature will often find themselves in codependent relationships with narcissists, who progressively make bigger demands till their victims feels completely burned out.

An Unbalanced Power Dynamic

fist up in p-ower position

Clay Banks / Unsplash

Clay Banks / Unsplash

This kind of relationship goes from mutual help to an unbalanced mess real quick. While in the beginning, it may look like both parties are contributing and enjoy being able to rely on one another to fulfill the unhappiness they felt, the scale starts to tip into unbalance as the relationship progresses.

They say that the first sign of codependency taking over is when one person starts to take on responsibility for the other. They feel that it’s the only way to connect with their partner and that this is what love is. The more they give, the more the other person takes without giving back. Then that person gets used to receiving and becomes dependent on it while the one giving becomes dependent on giving because they think that without it, they won’t be loved.

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A Need To “Fix”

arm laid with flowers and a bandaid over veins

Erin Larson / Unsplash

Erin Larson / Unsplash

​While love makes us do all kinds of crazy things, fixing one another should never be on that list. It may seem attractive to be wanted so badly that this other person can’t live without you, but at what price? The reality is that we teach others how to treat us. When we start “fixing” them, we teach them that they no longer have to take any responsibility for themselves because we’re going to pick up the pieces. Yet this is a never-ending process because nothing is going to change until they actually do it themselves.

Yet once this process starts, it just gets worse because you feel now their love for you is dependent on how much you can fix them. You start to feel guilty if you ever left them, because you feel like they wouldn’t be able to go on without you. When you stop giving, they panic and turn on you, making you think that you need to please them and earn their approval.

A Loss Of Boundaries

woman pushing wall

Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

In codependent relationships, the boundaries just get pushed further and further. The more you give, the more is taken. The more you cry, the louder they yell. The more you pull back, the more they attach. It’s like the moment you care about each other, all boundaries go out the window.

You start letting them disrespect you and justify their toxic behavior because you fall for their victim story. You feel like you can’t ever say no, even at your own expense, because they make it seem like they wouldn’t survive with you. At the end of the day you tell yourself that you need them too because you love them

A Loss Of Identity

woman looking at her reflection in hand held mirror

Elisa Ph / Unsplash

Elisa Ph / Unsplash

You are not the same person at the beginning of a codependent relationship, as you are by the end. The longer you’re in it, the more you create the need to ask for approval. You’re not happy unless they’re happy and when they’re miserable, they take you down with them. You no longer have time or energy for the activities you use to be a part of. You gradually lose your independence.

You feel like you need to ask for permission before going anywhere, uot of fear that it doesn’t work with their schedule, not that you even want to go anywhere without them. But at the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, you wonder: “who is that?” What happened to your goals? Your vision? Your ideal love? How did you get here?

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Living In Isolation

man sitting on the ledge of snowy window

Noah Silliman / Unsplash

Noah Silliman / Unsplash

Your time becomes entirely consumed by one another. You, as the giver, are always looking for reassurance and validation, but no one else’s matters except for theirs. Or, you, the person who needs them for support and can’t survive without their help, live in guilt and confusion.

You stop seeing friends and family. You don’t even have time for them anyone. But mostly, you just don’t want to deal with their judgment. You think that every time they point out the faults in your relationship, they just don’t understand it.

Developing Unhealthy Habits

hand holding drink on glass that says

YesMore Content / Unsplash

YesMore Content / Unsplash

These kinds of relationships are actually highly stress-inducing which can lead both of you to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. Because a lot of the time you’re not happy in the first place alone, you don’t know how to be happy together. You don’t push each other to figure it out and do better, instead, you enable each other’s unhealthy behavior.

A common side effect of this is that one person will start engaging in unhealthy ways to cope like excessive drinking or unhealthy eating. Then the other person joins them just because it’s there even if they don’t particularly enjoy those things..

Can Two Co-dependents Have A Successful Relationships?

couple holding hands in field

Joanna Nix-Walkup / Unsplash

Joanna Nix-Walkup / Unsplash

In rare cases, the short answer is yes. The first step is to be aware of the issues you have developed and accept them. Then, to actually commit to no longer behaving as a codependent. It means walking away from the relationship to find yourself again and get your power back. You will need to grow to be able to take control of yourself, your emotions, and your needs so that you no longer require them to be fulfilled or validated by someone else. You also need both partners to do so, or you’ll fall right back into the codependency trap and start feeling the need to help them grow too instead of doing it themselves.

Remember that you can’t control others. We only try to take control out of fear. The real power is in only being in control of yourself. Are you ready to take control of your own life? You won’t believe what the science of Numerology can reveal about you!

That’s right, the numerology of your birth date, regardless of what month you were born, can reveal surprising information about your personality.

Higher Perspectives Author

Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives