Marrying a narcissist is like falling into the ultimate trap. But how could you have known that the person who was once so charming and spoiled you with gifts and showered you with love could end up being the same person who now makes your life a psychological war zone?
That's the trick with narcissists, they can be so skilled at getting what they want that they can keep themselves tamed and get you to fall for their tactics all the way until marriage. Once they finally know that they've got you locked in, their true colors show.
The Relationship Is On Their Terms
It's their highway or the highway. They may have previously given you the illusion in the past that you're the center of the world and that they just wanted to do whatever it was that made you happy, but it was just an illusion.
if there was any sort of unequal power dynamic in the relationship, then it's only bound to get worse. They will gaslight you from morning to night and manipulate you in ways you you're not even aware of to get what they want. And if they don't get it, they'll make sure you pay the price.
Your Needs Come Second, If Ever
Who cares about what you want? They definitely don't. Their needs come first, and that's all they can think about. This transitions into every aspect of your life, from what they want to eat, to when they want to go to the movies, what side of the bed they sleep on and even how you load the dishwasher.
Nothing you do will ever feel right or good enough but as soon as you try to ask for anything done your way, or for your needs to be considered, they will find a way to diminish and dismiss them.
It's Always Your Fault, Somehow
You may have already played the conversation in your head, and even written down your arguments, but narcissists are especially skilled at turning the blame around, so it always falls on you. They use lies and deceptions to confuse you and mess with your memory so that you don't even know what's right anymore and find yourself also blaming yourself.
They will use blackmail or trigger your insecurities to hit you where it hurts. An apology to them is a sign of weakness, so they will only give it if it's to manipulate you into giving them what they want.
Everyone Else Matters More
You will find yourself stuck in the past, wondering when the time will come when they give you even half of the attention they once showered you with. Now that you've married them, you've satisfied their ego. They need a source of supply to keep on feeding since their being is entirely dependent on external validation and praise.
It's common for narcissists to fall into cheating habits and normalize it because they love the attention and go after what's new and shiny, like it somehow will fill their void.
They Will Have A Say Over Your Appearance and Lifestyle
By the end of the marriage, because these relationships do tend to ultimately fail, you won't even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. This is because gradually a narcissist will break you from the inside out, starting with your existing insecurities and then ingraining new ones.
They do that by making you feel bad about the way you look and imposing a certain lifestyle. These are all ways to control you so that you feel powerless without them and never leave them even when you start to see through them.
The Silent Treatment Will Be Used As A Weapon
The silent treatment is sure to drive anyone insane, and a narcissist husband knows that. It's their form of an adult tantrum. When you stand your ground and they find that you're actually upset with them, or that you're pulling away from their grip, they will use this as a way to punish you.
The less they talk to you, the more they know you're likely to cave and do whatever they ask simply to get them to talk to you. Their arsenal of controlling mechanisms is endless.
You Will See Your Loved Ones Less And Less
A well-known way narcissists keep their victims trapped in marriages that have long exceeded their expiry date is by isolating them. This never happens right at once. It's usually through a process of turning you against each other or by convincing you that they could never care or love you the way they do.
This is especially when you have kids together and feel like you would have no help or support if you get out of the relationship, so you stay out of fear or comfort.
You Will Lose Yourself
There is good and bad news waiting for you the day that you finally walk out of a narcissistic marriage. The bad news is that you will find that you have completely lost yourself and maybe don't even like who you've become. The good news is that walking away gives you a blank slate, an opportunity to find yourself and even recreate yourself in the version that best meets your wildest dreams. That's what you deserve.
In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it's much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on your date of birth.