What Happens When You Marry A Narcissist, And Their True Colors Finally Come Out

This article may contain affiliate links, learn more.

Marrying a narcissist is like falling into the ultimate trap. But, how could you have know that the person who was once so charming and spoiled you with gifts and showered you with love could end up being the same person who now makes your life a pshyclogical war zone?

That’s the trick wit nnaracissists, they can be so skilled at getting what they want that they can keep themselves tamed and get you to fall for their tactics all the way until marriage. Once they finally know that they’ve got you locked in, their true colors show.

The Relationship Is On Their Terms

It’s their highway or the highway. They may have previously given yuo the illusion i the past that you’re the center of the world and that they just wanted to do whatever it was that made you happy, but it was just an illusion.

man and woman holding hands reflected in puddle
The HK Photo Company / Unsplash
The HK Photo Company / Unsplash

if there was any sort of unequal power dynamic in the relationship then it’s only bound to get worse. They will gaslight you from morning to night and manipulate you in ways you you’re not even aware of to get what they want. And if they don’t get it, they’ll make sure you pay the price.

Your Needs Come Second, If Ever

Who cares about what you want? They definitely don’t. Their needs come first and that’s all they can think about. This transitions into every aspect of your life, from what they want to eat, to when they want to go to the movies, what side of the bed they sleep on and even how you load the dishwasher.

man hugs woman at sunset wrapped in a blanket
Kenny Eliason / Unsplash
Kenny Eliason / Unsplash

Nothing you do will ever feel right or good enough but as soon as you try to ask for anything done your way, or for your needs to be considered, they will find a way to diminish and dismiss them.

It’s Always Your Fault, Somehow

You may have already played the conversation in your head, and even written down your arguments but nearcissits are especially skilled of turning the blame around so it always falls on you. They use lies and deceptions to confuse you and mess with your memory so that you don’t even know what’s right anymore and find yourself also blaming yourself.

man pointing his finger while grimacing
Adi Golstein / Unsplash
Adi Golstein / Unsplash

They will use blackmail or trigger your insecurities to hit you where it hurts. An apology to them is a sign of weakness so they will only give it if it’s to manipulate you into giving them what they want.

Everyone Else Matters More

You will find youself stuck on the past, wondering when the time will come where they give you even half of the attention they once showered you with. Now that you’ve married them, you’ve satisfied their ego. They need a source of supply to keep on feeding since their being is entirely dependnt on external validation and praise.

Group of people cheers their wine glasses
Kelsey Chance / Unsplash
Kelsey Chance / Unsplash

It’s common for naracissist to fall into cheating habits and normalize it becaise they love the attention and go after what’s new and shiny like it somehow will fill their void.

They Will Have A Say Over Your Appearance and Lifestyle

By the end of marriage, because these relatuonships do tend to ultimately fail, you won’t even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. This is because gradually a naracissist will break you from the inside out, starting with your exisiting insecurities and then ingraining new oes.

couple stands in front of mirror looking at themselves
Mart Production / Pexels
Mart Production / Pexels

They do that by making you feel bad about the way you look, and imposing a certain lifestyle. These are all ways to control you so that you feel powerless without them and never leave them even when you start to see through them.

The Silent Treatment Will Be Used As A Weapon

The silent treatment is sure to drive anyone insane, and a narcissist husband knows that. It’s their form of an adult tantrum. When you stand your ground and they find that you’re actually upset with them, or that you’re pulling away from their grip, they will use this as a way to punish you.

close up of man's eye menacing
Abbat / Unsplash
Abbat / Unsplash

The less they talk to you, the more they know you’re likely to cave and do whatever they ask simply to get them to talk to you. Their areseal of controlling mechanisms is endless.

You Will See Your Loved Ones Less And Less

A well known way narcissists keep their victims trapped in marriages that have long excedded their expiry date is by isolating them. This never happens right at once. It’s usually through a process of turning you against each other or by convincing you that they could never care or love you the way they do.

man hugs woman at night
Allan Dias / Unsplash
Allan Dias / Unsplash

This is especially when you have kids together and feel like you would have no help or support if you get out of the relationship so you stay out of fear or comfort.

You Will Lose Yourself

There is good and bad news waiting for you the day that you finally walk out of a narcissitic marriage. The bad news is that you will find taht you have completely lost yourself, and maybe don’t even like who you’ve become. The good news is that walking away gives you a blank slate, an opportunity to find yourself and even recreate yourself in the verison that best meets your wildest dreams. That’s what you deserve.

woman looks at herself in the mirror with concern
Jessica Ticozzelli / Usplash
Jessica Ticozzelli / Usplash

In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?

Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it’s much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.

Aida Maratova

Aida Maratova is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives