Breakups are painful enough but they’re even worse when the reason they happened wasn’t that either one of you was a bad person or made a huge mistake. Sometimes love is just not enough no matter how hard it is to accept.
After experiencing such a high level of intimacy, it can be detrimental to try to be friends with an ex before the time is right. Even if you think you can handle it and be the exception, here’s why.
Feelings Don’t Go Away With A Switch
We tend to want to stay friends with our exes so that losing them doesn’t feel too abrupt. It allows us to keep them in our life still somehow, even if it’s not at the extent that we had hoped for. We think it’ll make the transition easier when in fact it makes it much harder.
Feelings for someone we shared so much intimacy with don’t just go away with the flick of a switch, or by slapping on a new label on your relationship. Staying friends makes it almost impossible for these feelings to go away.
Neither One Will Be Able To Move On
Being around your ex as just friends will make you blind to the issues that made you break up in the first. You’ll start to only see the good and feel regret over the loss of your romance. This will make it extremely hard for either one of you to move on.
You might opt-out of going on dates with other people because you hold out hope for each other even though neither one of you is taking the time to heal or work on any issues you once had.
You Deserve Love
Just because it didn’t work out with them, it doesn’t mean it won’t work out with someone else. By going back to your ex, even if if you’ve convinced yourself it’s just as friends, you’re stripping away your chance to fall in love again. Do you want to learn a secret technique anyone can master that will make someone fall in love with you?
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It Could Start A Toxic Cycle
When feelings linger they might make you put on rose-colored glasses. You’ll start to only see how much you love them and blind yourself for every logical reason why you shouldn’t be together.
Often this confusion will push you into a cycle of on-again and off-again relationships. You’ll get back together only to realize why you broke up in the first place, miss them and go back to them….you see the point, it’s never-ending.
There Is No Real Benefit
If you want to stay friends with your ex ask yourself: what is the real benefit? You’ll realize that missing them and wanting them still in your life is not a benefit. Being just friends with an ex will only bring on a different kind of pain.
You’ll hurt that you can’t be together, you’ll hurt if you see them moving on and you’ll hurt when you can’t. It’ll simply bring back unresolved issues and keep you from being open to the path you’re meant to be on.
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Higher Perspectives Author is one of the authors writing for Higher Perspectives