You’ve heard of the narcissist and the manipulator, but have you ever considered how toxic the bare minimum man is too? This is a man who gives you just enough to keep you around but not enough that you’re treated as you deserve. They do the bare minimum and aren’t willing to put in the effort for more.
All of a sudden you’re the one lowering your standards and expectations without realizing because you’re tired of the disappointment. Sound familiar? This is why a relationship with a bare minimum man will be the worst one of your life.
For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.
Technically He’s Not A Bad Person
The main reason why this will be the worst relationship of your life is that it’s going to be hard to see it as such at the moment. Technically the bare minimum isn’t a bad person, and he’s not doing anything wrong so it’s hard to villainize him. But, he’s also not doing enough no matter how many times you try to express your needs and ask for his help, time, and effort.
You’ll keep brushing it off, thinking that the relationship really isn’t that bad and that he’s not treating you badly. It will take a long time for you to realize how tired you are of feeling a lack of affection and support.
You’ll Feel Like The Problem
The bare minimum will keep reassuring you that he’s just busy, tired or make you feel bad that you keep asking for things. Every time you’ve finally had enough he’ll finally come up with some last-minute grand gesture to give you hope. Then, every time you dare bring up his lack of effort, he’ll be sure to remind you of the one odd time he did something extra.
After a while, he’ll make you feel bad for asking for more. He’ll tell you that you’re nagging him and that nothing is ever good enough for you. In reality, he’s the one that’s not good enough for you. You’ll quickly grow tired of being the one who cares more.
You’ll Wonder if You’re Asking Too Much
The more you ask and don’t receive, the more you question if you’re asking for too much. You don’t realize that you’re lowering your standards for someone who refuses to meet them, not because they’re too high. You start to justify red flags, and toxic behavior and normalize his lack of effort.
Other times you won’t help but want to ask again, craving just a little more in the relationship. But, instead of honoring your needs, he’ll pull away and tell you that you’re too clingy. You’ll internalize his comment and start to doubt yourself. Over time you’ll become insecure that you’re too much and that this is all you deserve.
You’ll Have No Time Left
The bare minimum man will always take more than he gives. He’ll set a high standard for you, expecting you to take care of him, his needs, the house, and yourself while never doing the same. All of a sudden you’ll find yourself making both your coffees and lunches, being the one to drive him to work before yourself, planning his doctor appointments, and taking care of him while he’s sick.
But when you ask him to take on a chore, he just won’t do it. You’ll assume that if you want something done you have to do it yourself anyway. You won’t be able to rely on him. You won’t have time for the things you used to love anymore. It will make you feel drained.
You’ll Always Be Content But Never Happy
The problem with the bare minimum man is that he’s easy to love and he’s got enough qualities to make you think highly of him. He’s just not using them to work on the relationship or make sure you’re happy. You’ll always be content, just enough to stay, but not happy enough that you stop having doubts and feel supported.
No matter how much you love him, you’ll struggle to feel confident in a future together. If only he could make you feel special and make you feel hopeful to erase those doubts…. but he won’t.
You Won’t Help But Compare
You’ll find yourself watching other couples on the street, thinking how nice it would be if your partner offered to carry groceries for you the same way or randomly planted a kiss on your cheek. You’ll take more of an interest in romance movies to live vicariously through them or hate them altogether because they feel unrealistic.
You’ll compare your relationship to your friends in healthy ones, and wish your partner would treat you the same way. You’ll hide your complaints because you don’t want others to know the reality of your relationship, but deep inside you know that you deserve more.
You’ll Feel Like You Have To Justify It To Everyone
Your friends and family will notice and they’ll start to ask questions. They’ll wonder why he never makes the effort to get to know them or never seems to have time to go on dates with you. You know that they’re just looking out for you, but you don’t want to hear it.
You’ll get defensive and assure them that you’re loved and cared for even though a part of you feels a void. You hold on to every moment he finally puts in the effort because you don’t know when it’ll happen again.
When To Walk Away
You don’t need to find a huge flaw in order to justify the breakup. You’re not needy for having needs. You deserve more than the bare minimum. We need to stop normalizing the bare minimum as an acceptable standard and start asking for equal effort.
In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
Love is more than just kisses and butterflies, it’s much more than that. If you want to know more on what your birth chart reveals about how you love and what you need out of a partner, check out this personalized report based on date of birth.
Aria Misty is a recent university grad. She did her undergrad in media, information & technoculture with a Master in Journalism & Communications in 2018.
Aria has a particular interest in all things astrology and spirituality. This is driven by her desire to create healing. In fact, Aria went back to school for A master’s in counseling p[…]