The word “mother” carries a lot of weight and positive energy. We call the very earth that gives us life and keeps us alive “mother earth.” A mother is meant to be nurturing, selfless, and caring. She is supposed to create a safe space designed to help us flourish and teach us the lessons we need to survive in loving ways.
However, not everyone gets that type of mother. For some “mother” was nothing more than a word. She was a mother by association, but she failed to live up to the name. She raised a daughter who felt unloved, and who continues to struggle and long for nurturing, and care even as an adult. A toxic mother is worse than not having a mother at all because she leaves the following scars on her daughter.
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She Feels Unworthy Of Love
Every child longs to be loved, especially by the first person they come to know in the world. This is their first experience of what love is. When they grow in a home where they’re not receiving the kind of love every child deserves, it creates a sort of identity crisis that they internalize at a very young age. As they grow and realize that it’s not that love doesn’t exist, but simply that their mother made the choice to refuse to give them love freely, they start to withdraw from emotions altogether.
Dissociating from feelings, including love seems like an easier way to cope with its lack than to risk constantly being disappointed and wondering why they’re not worthy of receiving it. These children grow to be adults with emotional armor. They can barely let anyone love them because they have let go of the possibility. They have avoidant and anxious attachment styles.