Life can be overwhelming and sometimes, it catches us with our pants down. We get overly emotional due to the severity of the problem or because we bottle our problems up.
We snap out at people who don’t deserve it or worse, find ways to justify cruel words.
Anytime I snapped on someone, I was projecting my problems or formations onto them. Or I was asking for help.
In my world I was asking, ‘someone please help me, or understand my situation’. In reality I was snarling mean things for seemingly no reason.
Below we have some ways to diffuse verbal abuse and get the person back into a loving space again. We are assuming that this person is someone trying to evolve past this kind of miscommunication.
This is not a guide on how to put up with constant abuse. If someone is constantly abusing you realize that you deserve better and get away. If they are verbally abusing you today, it could easily escalate into something worse tomorrow.
Don’t fight fire with fire. They are seeking an emotional response or special attention. Give positive emotional content. As you interact with them, not raising the intensity will benefit both of you, making a solution found faster.
If there is no solution, the person is simply upset, the manner in which you provide perspective can help them examine their situation more thoroughly.
If a person is abusing or disrespecting you, try to keep in mind they are really yelling at themselves. I know this seems super cliché, but it’s true. A
ny time I have been mean to a stranger or a friend, I was upset at myself or the situation I found myself in and was taking it out on them.
They are trying to provoke a response from you. As a person yells and berates you they are burning through their own emotional formations.
They are venting their own pressure and vocalizing things they are not ready to say to themselves. If an exchange has to happen, give them back what they need and deserve: love, acceptance and respect.
Making sure that the person knows that conversations held with you are confidential and judgment will have a powerful and immediate effect on your interactions.
When you remind a person of their safety you see them relax and re-examine they way they are acting.
This doesn’t mean push them away or run away from them. Give them the space to pace and be alone when they need to. Aggression aimed at you could be a panic attack to them, putting them in fight or flight mode.
Be careful to not make light of, condescend, or judge the other person. Make dumb jokes aimed at nobody or laugh at your own expense. Use jokes in a genuine capacity, to ease tension and build common ground.
If this is a reoccurring situation, suggest options that can help the person deal with life on better terms. Be sure to phrase your suggestions in a positive and productive light.
Make sure it is understood they are not weak or judged for reaching out when they need to. If they are in pain, there is no reason to stay in a painful stage of life.
Life can be overwhelming and sometimes, it catches us with our pants down. We get overly emotional due to the severity of the problem or because we bottle our problems up.
We snap out at people who don’t deserve it or worse, find ways to justify cruel words.
Anytime I snapped on someone, I was projecting my problems or formations onto them. Or I was asking for help.
In my world I was asking, ‘someone please help me, or understand my situation’. In reality I was snarling mean things for seemingly no reason.
Below we have some ways to diffuse verbal abuse and get the person back into a loving space again. We are assuming that this person is someone trying to evolve past this kind of miscommunication.
This is not a guide on how to put up with constant abuse. If someone is constantly abusing you realize that you deserve better and get away. If they are verbally abusing you today, it could easily escalate into something worse tomorrow.
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