Narcissism Is Normal And Healthy, But Here’s How To Tell When It’s Become Toxic

In Small Doses

Narcissism isn't always a language of extremes, though. In fact, we all have narcissistic tendencies, some even being healthy for us.

We're not meant to disregard ourselves completely; finding enjoyment in who we are as people is a normal part of human development. It's when that narcissism starts to affect others that we might have a problem at hand.

Dr. Otto Kernberg, a psychiatrist who specializes in personality disorders, notes this distinction, saying the line between normal and pathological narcissism is judged by someone's ability to participate in healthy romantic relationships.

Positive Contexts

Kernberg describes normal narcissism as a "well-integrated sense of self that is generally for the greater good, such a s a healthy sense of pride in oneself and one's accomplishments."

Most of us fall in this category. We feel good about ourselves after completing a task, we feel confident in skills we've worked on developing, and we even feel some vanity when we think we look good. This is all welcome, and healthy for our development. Being completely devoid of self-assurance only leads to doubt in ourselves!

It's All Around Us

Research has shown that normal levels of narcissism, even moderate entitlement, can even be healthy on a societal scale. It's recorded to take place at "subclinical levels in everyday populations." It was also believed to be a motivating force, as seeing others feel confident with themselves can often motivate us to follow in their footsteps, at least emotionally.

This desire for greatness, for a dopamine response, can quickly spiral into something more serious if one isn't careful though, as that want for achievement can evolve into into a want for attention.

The Line In The Sand

And so comes that shift, another way to distinguish normal from pathological narcissism, when the desire to become better for yourself becomes the desire to be seen as better by others.

After all, pathological narcissists see everyone as an extension of themselves. They are the core, and no one in their life is separate from them, especially those within their close inner circle. These people, in the narcissist's mind, are a reflection of themselves, and as such, must always be striving for the same perfection and stellar outer image that the narcissist is themselves. This is why it's characteristic for narcissists to lash out over small things they perceive as errors even when there's no real consequence to them.

Under Their Thumb

Being able to execute this level of control over somebody and their actions is why a narcissist will try to keep someone around for so long. That control makes them feel powerful, which then makes them feel important, which then makes them feel good. It becomes a self-serving positive feedback loop.

They'll also keep people around who affirm their inflated perception of themselves, which many kind-hearted people would do as they don't want to put anyone down, even if it's someone way out of their own scope.

Staying Aware

Being able to self-monitor our levels of narcissism can vary in difficulty, as whether or not we're effectively able to depends on our personal history. Are you already an observant person? Have you ever known a narcissist in your own life? Do you do a lot of self-reflection, meditation, or any other kind of mindfulness work? If so, you probably already know some symptoms of being in your own ego too much and know how to curb them when they appear.

Those predisposed to narcissism, or who haven't seen its damaging effects firsthand, might not be so savvy and get swept up before they even know it.

Everything In Moderation

Point being, with how popular the term 'narcissism' has become in the past few years, it might have some people nervous that they're displaying narcissistic behaviors without realizing it. The truth is that we all are, but that shouldn't scare you! There's nothing wrong with feeling good about who we are.

If you're someone feeling nervous about liking yourself because you think it might delve into narcissistic territory, you probably already have enough self-awareness that it won't be a problem. It's those who remain ignorant to themselves who will struggle to resist the path of selfishness.

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